Imagine you are on a mission to get fit and lose weight. You find yourself in a social setting in which the host places a plateful of freshly baked, gooey fudge brownies on the table in front of you. The friend sitting beside you eats one lamenting her inability to say no to chocolate, then looks at you. What do you do?
Do you pull a carrot out of your bag and declare your disgust at your friend's lack of willpower? Or do you agree that the brownies do smell good and that it would be rude not to try at least one? If the second option sounds likelier, you may be a people pleaser.
People pleasing characteristics, known clinically as sociotrophy, include the tendency to put others' needs first, worrying about hurting others, and sensitivity to criticism. Dr Gerald Lui Chung-wing, clinical psychologist at Hub and Spokes International counselling centre, says: 'A people pleaser can appear as a 'sacrificial' person, yet their 'pleasing' behaviour is to avoid negative reactions from others - real or imagined. This tendency is usually shaped from the people pleaser's past experiences.'
Professor Julie Exline of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, was the lead author on a recent study that concluded that people pleasers were likely to eat more in certain situations. The study involved an experimenter handing a bowl of M&Ms to the actor, who took a small handful (about five pieces) before offering the bowl to the participant. After taking the sweets, participants reported how many they took and why. Researchers then assessed the number taken.
The study was inspired by many years of research into situations in which people outperform others in areas such as income earning and academic achievement. These situations can often lead the high-performer to feel awkward and uncomfortable, and people pleasers are highly likely to feel guilty when they perform well. 'So, in this study, we were trying to extend these ideas to a situation involving outperformance in the area of self-control: in this case, eating,' says Exline.
Aisha Zaveri, 24, who was raised in Hong Kong, admits to eating to please: 'Despite the fact that I am Indian and I love most things about India, I cannot stand the food. In fact, I hate it. But when I went to live there for a year, I would force myself to eat it. I didn't want to insult the people I was with, and I suppose I was also trying to prove myself to them. I was saving face.'
Conformism is a mindset in which individuals defer their own values in favour of those shared by a group, or in this case, perhaps even just one more dominant personality. 'It is human instinct to imitate one another. Of course, people are greatly influenced by each other in all areas of life, including food,' says Dr Lim Lit-sing, a freelance clinical nutritionist.