View from the stalls is for male mebers only

PUBLISHED : Wednesday, 13 January, 1993, 12:00am
UPDATED : Wednesday, 13 January, 1993, 12:00am

THE Grand Old Dame of Hongkong hotels, The Peninsula, revealed details of its face-lift yesterday. The new rooms have numerous special features.

Guests will be able to watch a small television set while wallowing in the bath or sitting on the loo.

What's more, the bathrooms have ''mood lighting'', which apparently get you in the mood for going to the bathroom.

This is pretty hard to imagine, but no doubt medical experts have worked out how to do it.

The only bit we can't understand is where the announcement says: ''We've attempted to conform to the way in which guests would live in their own homes.'' Are we the only people without a telly and mood lighting in our smallest room? Incidentally, we were shocked and dismayed to hear about the three naughty video screens installed above the men's urinals in the LA Cafe, Lippo Centre.

Late at night, after the teeny-boppers have gone home, these feature porn movies.

Aficionados of these unsavoury entertainments tell us that they are on the mild side, but you certainly see things that you don't on TVB and ATV.

Women, worried about why their men-folk are spending hours in the toilet, have been nipping into the men's loos.

Since Hongkong males are unfamiliar with mixed washrooms, this has resulted in lots of embarrassed and hurried zipping-ups, with potential painful accidents.

Spokeswoman Susan Field said: ''I can't tell you much about it. I am not a frequent visitor to the men's toilets.'' Funny money WHAT on earth are we going to do with this ghastly toy money which we are being given in place of $2 coins? First we find the stuff doesn't work in Coca-Cola machines, leaving us dangerously short of caffeine.

Then we discover the things don't work in telephones, leaving us infuriatingly out of touch.

A sign has been put up over the telephones in the Excelsior hotel saying ''Don't use Bauhinia coins in these phones'', we were told by Michael Maddess of Commercial Radio.

Well, this has been a clever way of slowing down inflation.

Replace the coinage with stuff we can't spend. Brilliant, Hamish.

Official silence ON November 19 last year, members of the Executive and Legislative Councils revealed what businesses they were connected to, what houses they owned around the world, and so on.

This is always tricky, because everyone wants to project a good image. Some even do a bit of restructuring to make things tidy.

But one official, Secretary for Economic Affairs Anson Chan Fang On-sang, did not supply any details, saying she was too busy.

We checked again this week to find she has not supplied it yet, still being too busy.

One cannot help but wonder how big this list is. Could this charming, modest woman be a major influence on world business behind the scenes? She cannot own more than Baroness Lydia Dunn, who commands obeisance from 2,000 companies.

Twilight zone FAX received from Arnold ''The Terminator'' Tucker at STAR TV: ''So, you've called our customer service hotline and received taped messages claiming we are out to lunch, eh? ''Well, in the first place, you should probably know that the number you called had been designed for prying journalists. The second thing is that the message was not a description of our service department, but rather a message left for me by my psychiatrists. A malfunction enabled you [of all people] to tap into it.

''So what? So what if now you know that my doctor thinks I am 'closed' and 'out to lunch'? So what, already? My wife and my colleagues have know that for YEARS. It's hardly news. HAH! And you call yourself a journalist? ''Finally, you must realise that STAR TV covers eight time zones, so for someone, I am always out to lunch, both mentally and physically. This is not an easy regimen to maintain, I want you to know. Sometimes I have to go out to lunch and actually STAY there.'' Is he always like this? Does working with satellite dishes affect the brain? Out of service A BUSINESS journal called TradeKorea published a story on racial bias against Asians in America, and this was one of the headlines they used: rag out goes here thanks What are pubic services, anyway? Do they mean houses of ill repute? If so, we reckon we are better off out of them.

True story HELLO, Sidney Levine. We were amazed to get a letter yesterday from a Hollywood film man who tells us he reads this column regularly.

Sidney H. Levine, executive vice-president for development at Park Films of Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood, says he is ''an avid reader of your column, which is forwarded to me every week by one of my location employees''.

He is considering shooting a comedy movie in Hongkong based on something he read in Lai See. (We shall not reveal what, in case Spielberg or Coppola get to hear of it).

This is a turn-up for the books.

You've read the snippet. Now see the movie.

No use FRIEND of ours had to make a telephone call at 8.30 pm on Monday while on Nathan Road, near the Jordan MTR station.

She popped into a nearby Hongkong Telecom shop, which was overflowing with telephones.

Staff said they had a public telephone, but it could not be used after 7 pm. The public was not allowed to use any of the other telephones in the room.

''It seemed ludicrous, since I could tell from the little lights that most of the phones were plugged in,'' she said.

We would have thought that people making calls would be a good advertisement for a telephone company, but what do we know?