The Governor has a ball
Now, it's not this column's style to tell tales out of school, especially not about people having a jolly good time when much of the rest of their year tends to be spent under rather gloomy and difficult circumstances. But, well, it's just that we worry about the poor chap's health.
Quarry Bay understands Chris Patten loved the St Patrick's Day Ball at the Furama so much he stayed rather longer than scheduled. 'Had a real hooley,' said our mole. He was really taken with the band, De Danaan. So much so, in fact, that he had them come up to Government House the following day and excused himself from a meeting to show them around.
But what really seems to have pleased the gentlemen of the St Patrick's Society was that the Governor, who does a round of all Celtic fringe balls each year, clearly enjoyed himself most at theirs.
To the surprise of all present (including Lavender, our mole fears), he was 'smoking and drinking like a good Paddy all night'.
Director of Health Margaret Chan Fung Fu-chan seems to be enjoying her new-found high profile.
First it was the cold weather putting her name in the newspapers, now it is British beef. Taking tea with her 'friends in the media' last week, she giggled that a photographer 'always took advantage' of her by snapping away when she moved her arms.
Then she started telling reporters rather excitedly last week about the British beef scare. 'Some very influential people tell me they are allergic to certain foods, and they say, 'Margaret, can't you ban it?' ' she said.
'My son is allergic to chocolate. And last week, aaiiyaaah! He was greedy and ate three mangoes. Two days later he came up in blisters. So now, although he loves it, I won't let him eat mango - only a teaspoonful. But I can't ban mangoes.' Perhaps she could forbid Mr Patten the cigarettes.
An American institute has worked out that the average sound-bite on US television news programmes lasts just seven seconds. Emily Lau Wai-hing, Howard Young and . . . (substitute other prolix politicians' names as the fancy takes you) had better get in training if they want to hit the US networks in 1997. If any politician does manage to get on the air while the viewers are still interested (which means booking the first bulletin after the handover), they may have something unexpected to talk about.
While all eyes have been fixed on the border and what's going to come rolling over it on the stroke of midnight on June 30, 1997, China Products has quietly been organising the invasion from behind British lines. Walk in any day to see the rolling-stock already in place, in boxes marked 'PLA rail'.
The rest of the writing on the box is in Japanese, a camouflage presumably designed to lull Hong Kong into a false sense of security. But the trains are marked in tell-tale PLA green.
Be alert to the danger. Innocent children are taking these things straight from the toy department and into our living rooms now.
