When horror writer Stephen King set out to write and direct Maximum Overdrive (Pearl, 9.30 pm), he said he simply wanted to make a junk movie.
He did, but he also made it stupid and boring. Anyone who has the patience to count the number of sensational action sequences, piled on top of one another without a thought for narrative or character, is a better man than I.
Emilio Estevez stars, as one of a number of people menaced by trucks and other mechanical devices that go haywire, for reasons unknown. It's an idiotic premise for an idiotic film.
Fools Of Fortune (Pearl, 2.20 am), on the other hand, is a piece of classically British film-making: restrained, thoughtful and curiously reticent. It follows an Anglo-Irish family caught up in the troubles of the 1920s. Look out for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, who went on to bigger things in Hollywood.
We must mention L. A. Law (World, 12.50 am) because this is the episode you thought would never arrive - the last one. McKenzie retires and is given a cake. Members of the audience all get a gold watch.
When the J. League was launched in Japan everyone thought it would last no longer than your average bowl of instant noodles. Not only has it lasted, but it has grown, with support increasing not only among men, but to almost knicker-wetting proportions among women.
J. League Weekly Special (World, 10.45 pm) is the first of a series of weekly roundups of the game, as played by teams such as Kashima Antlers, Shimizu S-Pulse and Yomiuri.