SOME people have remarked that my 48-inch television is obscene but they haven't been treated to that gorgeous Olympic swimming pool or the lifesize gymnasts - and they're not going to be either. Yep, the Olympics are looking good from where I'm sitting (I think I've shed more tears during the national anthems than that shaky-handed Chinese pistol shooter) and this week's track and field (check listings for exact times) promises to be the best on the box by a mile (okay, several metres).
I find The Crow (Sunday, Pearl, 9.30 pm) oppressively dark and depressing with its eerie omen of the death of its star Brandon Lee, something I'm sure others find make it worth watching, and I've never been able to sit through all of the Neverending Story (Sunday, World, 9.30 pm), so it's an early night for moi.
D. O. G. of the week is the mini-series The Way To Dusty Death (Monday and Tuesday, World, 9.30 pm) starring, or should I say murdering, Linda Hamilton. Go for Big (Monday, Pearl, 9.30 pm) instead and see Tom Hanks when he was really good and uncorrupted by fame.
As good as they are, the husband and wife team of Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum can't save the dippy musical comedy Earth Girls Are Easy (Tuesday, Pearl, 9.30 pm) but if you're watching, look out for Jim Carrey.
The best going on Wednesday is served up by two of America's most popular sitcom families - the junk food-obsessed, wise-cracking Connors in Roseanne (Wednesday, Pearl, 6.20 pm) and the more apple pie, cape cod-types, the Taylors, in Home Improvement (Wednesday, Pearl, 6.50 pm). Solid laughs and not too demanding.
The American Film Institute's Salute To Clint Eastwood (Pearl, Friday, 9.30 pm) will be full of nauseating anecdotes and obsequious sign-offs like: 'I love your work, I love the money you've made me and I love you, big guy.' Hosted by Jim Carrey and Rene Russo who probably wish they knew him. How will tough guy Clint cope with so much sentimentality? It's a must watch.
Honey, I Blew Up The Kids (Saturday, Pearl, 9.30 pm) is a passable sequel to Honey, I Shrunk The Kids but if you want a real laugh check out Rowan Atkinson Live (Saturday, World, 11.50 pm), which features sketches and routines from the last 10 years that have not been screened before.