Similar things are happening in the West. In Britain, you can pick up a latest model mobile phone for just GBP49 (about HK$590) - or you get one for nothing if you buy a piece of hardware such as a television.

In most modern cities, telecoms firms make money through phone bills, and are happy to dole out the handsets free to all comers. Why doesn't this happen in Hong Kong? Companies here prefer to take profit from both hardware and calls, because of a particular characteristic of corporations in the territory, known in business jargon as 'greed'.

The profiteering in the communications business here is growing. Telemarketing, a fancy name for calling people at home and haranguing them to buy things, is becoming increasingly common.

Fear not. A reader contributed this handy list of excuses to use to scare people off. Keep it by your phone.

1. I can't make that kind of decision now - I'm on my deathbed (cough, cough).

2. By the way, if I default payments and go overseas, would you try to trace me? 3. When you send that registration form to me, do I fill it out in pen, or is human blood, okay? 4. I'm too noise).

5. Grandpa? Grandpa, I recognise your voice . . . but . . . but . . . you've been dead for 15 years! 6. (Japanese accent) Sorry, I'm not very interesting.

7. I'm kinda busy murdering my spouse just now. Die! Die! (Stick knife in nearby oven-ready turkey).

8. Now will this deal you're offering me cover the kidnap victims I keep locked up in the basement? 9. Thanks, I accept the offer. I don't get many since I was declared highest-risk debtor in the worldwide credit unworthiness register.

10. Okay, I'll take it on the condition that, right now, you bark like a dog for three minutes straight.

But I have bad news. Some of the telemarketers are not human. No, I'm not talking about Hongkong Telecom staff. I'm talking about the robots starting to do telemarketing in the territory. They won't listen to the above, or any other excuses.

Shane Abrahams received a call at 8 pm on a Wednesday, and the conversation went something like this: Abrahams: Hello? Robot: (Pause) Hello. We are calling on behalf of [X] survey company. We are conducting a survey on international schools, and would appreciate your help. Please key in your age followed by the hash sign.

Abrahams: [Presses two, three, #] Robot: Thank you for your assistance. Good-bye.

Click.

He was too young to have kids in school and two old to be in school himself, so the robot lost interest.

One option is to keep your answer-phone switched on.

The list of suggested messages presented in this column a few weeks ago was well received. Here are a few more from the Internet: 1. (Computer-style monotone:) 'Hello. I am the XS586 Mark 5 answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium Plus processor to assure that nothing can go wrong . . . gowrong . . . grong . . . gronggronggronggronggrongBEEEEEP.' 2. 'Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked.' 3. First voice: 'Answer the phone, please, Hal.' Second voice: 'I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.' 4. 'This is the Iraqi Embassy. Saddam is out invading a poor defenceless nation. Please leave a message after the beep and he will respond as soon as the US kicks his butt.' 5. 'My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.' 6. 'Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG . . . Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.' 7. 'Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and used by us.' 8. 'Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.' Nowhere is safe. Some telemarketers have even begun calling mobile phones. Anyone knows an electrical engineer who can do a little favour for me?