Rough justice for framed Thatcher

PUBLISHED : Monday, 05 May, 1997, 12:00am
UPDATED : Monday, 05 May, 1997, 12:00am

A framed montage of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher in a Gone With the Wind clinch was stolen from The Wanch pub recently.

This followed the theft of a framed share certificate from Carrian, the Hong Kong share scam that broke records for the amount of paperwork produced. 'It showed that the shares were not actually as worthless as some thought,' mused pub owner Howard McKay.

The theft of the Thatcher print irked him, so he put up a $10,000 reward for information leading to the conviction of the 'mindless idiot who stole the picture'.

An anonymous tip from a customer then revealed that the person who stole the picture intended to send it to the walls of a Conservative Club in Britain. No, the Conservative Party enthusiast wasn't Mr Patten, upon whom the Gods of Fortune are smiling, having removed him from the carnage in Britain at just the right time.

Just as Howard was preparing a Bre-X share certificate to fill the space, the missing item was returned by a remorseful young woman Conservative Party member.

She admitted that she had been 'tired and emotional' when she stole it.

'She had obviously confused the Thatcher term 'privatisation' with 'privateering',' said Howard.

I do like the business title of Chan Mou-fung of CA Capital. It describes the stockbroker as 'Responsible Director'. On the other hand, perhaps it would be more fun to be one of the irresponsible directors? Sign posted near a seating area at the World Trade Centre building in Causeway Bay: 'Keep it clean. No lying, yelling and smoking.' I wonder if we can get another one prepared for 57-odd days time when all those business people take over Legco? The Hong Kong Breastfeeding Mothers' Association sent an announcement to this office about an event next Saturday at Caritas on Caine Road: ''Uncle Doctor', Dr Alvin Yee-shing Chan (Private Practitioner; Fellow of Hong Kong Academy of Paediatrics), is going to discuss the relationship between breastfeeding and allergy through his songs.' The mind boggles. Here's what I imagine it might sound like.

It's sweet, it's yummy, It comes from mummy, I like breast milk.

It's good, it's fine, It's always on time, I like breast milk.

Don't want allergies, Don't want infections, Don't want dental caries, Don't want neonatal necrotizing enterocolitis.

I don't want no plastic tube, So dear mom, just pass that boob.

I do like the way things are developing with the Personal Data (Privacy) Ordinance. Fancy being able to go to credit card issuers and other organisations, and have the right to demand they show you the secret files they have on you.

This will help people such as my younger brother, who uses his Mastercard to pay off his Visa bill and vice versa.

Definition of a credit card: What you use to buy today what you can't afford tomorrow while you're still paying for it yesterday.

Neal McGrath, a publicist who works in SUP Tower, North Point, arrived at the office on Thursday last week and bumped into a woman heading into the offices of the Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Ourselves, which is in the same building.

She was carrying a large document shredder. She commented to the doorman how heavy it was, before lugging it to the DAB offices on the 12th floor.

I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

You may be interested to know that a volume called Goodbye Hong Kong, Hello Xianggang will be hitting the bookstands this week. I tell you this, because you wrote it - a major chunk of it consists of gems of wisdom sent in by readers of this column.

By the way, you have decided to give the profits to Mother's Choice, a charitable organisation which looks after parentless babies in Hong Kong and China, you goody-goody, you.

Anyway, this is the new Lai See book, the official follow-up to 1993's Only in Hong Kong which last week sold out again for the umpteenth time.

Goodbye Hong Kong . . . includes many absurd real life gems, including the salad-trafficking ring, the man who sold the 25th floor of a 21 storey building and the Happy VD Clinic. Booksellers should file it under non-fiction, believe it or not.

Just a Zen thought: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? (Anon).