Party people are just socialites in liberals' clothing
HAVE you noticed how socialites are getting into politics in Hongkong? Loads of them are joining the new, pro-mammon ''Liberal'' Party. At the end of last year socialites put slogans against the pro-democracy movement on to a Christmas tree at a charity auction.
In the wake of this, business contacts of ours claim to have unearthed a secret document: the minutes of the first full meeting of the Socialites-in-Politics Group.
1. Major Political Questions.
(i) What shall we wear? (ii) Which restaurant shall we meet in? 2. Transport Policy.
The chairwoman of the Socialites' Transport Committee said it did not matter what fares were charged for public transport. ''After all, nobody uses it,'' she said. ''I've never met anyone who does, have you?'' Members agreed unanimously.
3. Welfare Policy.
Members decided that clothing grants be given to all members. The party colours would be fuchsia and cyan for the spring season, and ecru and lilac for the autumn season.
4. Housing Policy.
The chairwoman of the Housing Committee said something must be done for the sandwich class. ''I totally sympathise with them, having once eaten a sandwich,'' she said. Information on high-class dining venues would be sent to all members of the sandwich class.
5. Political Reforms.
The committee want plans to increase democracy cancelled. ''It's too troublesome,'' said the chairwoman. ''If the Government turns bad after 1997, everyone can just go and live in their chateaux in Monaco or wherever. That's what we plan to do.'' Talking bull THE announcement from the Trade Department on Tuesday evening said: ''Significant increases were recorded for the import volume of . . . animals of the bovine species.'' What does outgoing Trade Department chief Donald Tsang ask for when he goes out to the San Francisco Steakhouse? ''A fillet of the bovine species and chips, please''? Camera shy NEWS photographers going on a visit to Chek Lap Kok airport today were last night studying the briefing instructions they had been sent by the Provisional Airport Authority.
''You are visiting a construction site in the tropics,'' it says, for those who think Chek Lap Kok is a racing track in the arctic.
''You are welcome to take photographs for your personal use wherever you wish. If commercial reproduction or related use is intended, then permission must be sought.'' Personal use? What do they expect the snappers to do with their pictures? Stick them on their bedroom walls as pin-ups? Boldly gau BUMPED into Lavender and Alice Patten at West Side Story at the Academy for Performing Arts on Tuesday night.
The show was visually stunning, but how much of the Cantonese-with-English-subtitles production did they understand? ''Well, a little, some of it,'' said the Governor's wife. Her Cantonese lessons are coming on very nicely, thank you.
Meanwhile, for Mrs Patten and other students, we retract our suggestion that gweilo should forget all tones except low-rising when saying the word gau.
Reggie Bosman of Stanley told us yesterday that there were many useful meanings for this word.
A Hongkong worker once asked the foreman of a plastics factory whether he could take nine pieces of old plastic dogs and mix them together in the vat.
''Can one'' is naan mm naan gau; ''mix'' is kau, ''nine'' is gau, ''pieces'' and ''old'' are both gau (low pitch), ''plastic'' is gau (high pitch), and ''dogs'' is gau.
The question was: Or naan mm naan gau kau gau gau gau gau gau? Westerners saying this should practice their tones VERY CAREFULLY INDEED.
Egg heads MANY readers have written in about Chris Tait's bilingual poem Un petit d'un petit (Humpty Dumpty).
It came from the medieval d'Antin Manuscript, which was printed in a book called Mots D'Heures: Gousses, Rames (you guessed, of course: Mother Goose Rhymes).
Rod Revell of Hongkong Polytechnic was the first to identify it, and Duncan Kilgour of Wan Chai Law Courts showed us a copy of this rare masterpiece.
A businessman in Holy Cross Path, Sai Wan Ho, was inspired enough to make his own attempt at a poem which looks like it is written in one language, but sounds like it is in another. We'll leave you to guess which English nursery rhyme it is.
Ecrit d'ecrit d'ocque T'aime ou ceran a pas dit que l'ocque De quelle hoc se troc vin, T'aime ouserans d'une, Ecrit d'ecrit d'ocque.
IDology WE cannot help but wonder what Lala Oh, who we mentioned last week, has on her ID card, on which family names are printed first.
Would her ID card name be ''OH LALA''?