Frogs liven up the news

PUBLISHED : Thursday, 18 December, 1997, 12:00am
UPDATED : Thursday, 18 December, 1997, 12:00am

News Newt has noticed a drastic downturn of Net-based scandal and gossip this past month.

It is probably due to the complete meltdown of Asia's financial markets.

Or, as 'Big John' said in a touching farewell to his news group buddies: 'The stock market took all my savings. Can't go on-line anymore! Can't pay the ISP! Please send cash!' Even as Asia burns down into a fiscal apocalypse, other netizens are turning their attention to a much bigger problem.

Earth's frogs.

According to recent scientific studies in that great amphibian research city, Chicago, ultraviolet radiation entering the environment in increased doses because of ozone layer depletion may be the cause of deformities in frogs.

However, News Newt has to agree with the alternative theory put forward by Ted Holden: 'Has anybody tried to determine whether or not corrupt governments might cause deformities in frogs?' Want proof? Just look at some of those members of congress - note those bloated, bloodshot eyes? They are either ex-journalists or mutant frogs! Can't figure out which. It was a bad month for egg-heads in general. There were many setbacks for scientists, including the Gaelic Earth Liberation Front's attack on a one-acre research crop of genetically engineered sugar beets.

Reported widely on the Net through e-mail lists, news of this brutal beet beating shocked the world.

The Gaelic Earth Liberation Front's published statement said: 'This was Ireland's first genetically engineered crop and we hope it will be the last.' The Science Reporter followed up with: 'Of course, it will not be the last, and one wonders if this is activism for the sake of activism by people who know little about the environment and even less about biology.

'The neo-Luddite rumblings that are becoming common these days are useful to some people with political power, which means both the source of the rumblings and the politicians who use the rumblings need to be confronted by the scientific community.' It sounds like more door-to-door fighting in Ireland.

Pity. They had nearly nailed down that peace accord too.

Thinking of scientists, are you having trouble finding the ideal Christmas gift for the Frankenstein in your life? If so, Michael Casper has the perfect gift for you - meteorites.

If you wish to buy a slice of heaven drop an e-mail to or check out his Web page at

Another good idea just in time for Christmas is a new car.

A spam message in alt. promoted the de luxe luxury car - a unique Chevy Suburban 2500 LT with level five and six armour.

In plain language, the car is fully bullet-proof. Contact Stephen Bray at summa for more details.

With Bill Gates coming under heavy fire from the United States Justice Department, perhaps he could use the new car.

Recent court orders have been met with a mix of muted celebration and toxic diatribes on the Internet. To help you keep up with all the Reno vs Gates Gossip, NewsLinx has prepared a set of Web links to every related online story, updated live.

You can find it at www. reno-vs-gates.html.

Unfortunately, no matter what is reported, many netizens still feel that the US Justice Department is being too lenient on Big Bill.