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Jane Moir

Pacific Coffee has come up with an interesting new sales ploy.

 A customer at one of their Quarry Bay outlets recently popped in for a toasted panini.

 No panini, she was told. But there, in the middle of the counter, was the bread in question.

 No panini, the assistant insisted.

 The customer persevered and was introduced to their latest cunning sales concept. She was informed that the panini was in fact being saved for later - in case the outlet ran out.

 The worst-case scenario would be for the store to run out of stocks for the following day.

 Why sell now what could be sold stale in the morning? Shattering A Dolce Vita patron was half-way through her vodka and tonic when she discovered an L-shaped crack in the side of her glass.

 Unwilling to risk ingesting stray shards, she went to the bar to report the problem to the staff and found the customer in front of her making an identical complaint.

 But Dolce Vita staff denied there were cracks in their system.

 'It wasn't like that when we served it,' the bar maid said dismissively, refusing to replace either drink. 'Must have happened afterwards.'  Puts a new spin on the term 'drinking glass'.

Bargain lover Desperate times require desperate measures, goes the saying.

 Judging by the latest techniques some Stanley Market traders are resorting to, anything goes in order to achieve a sale these days.

 One local expat was strolling through its narrow thoroughfare minding his own business, when one of the shop proprietors - obviously mistaking him for a tourist - promised to 'love him long time' if he would step inside the souvenir-laden lair.

 Tongue in cheek humour, one hopes. But if Patpong market can thrive selling clothes, fake watches and jewellery under the neon-lit glare of Bangkok's notorious sex district, why can't Stanley? Number's up The painstaking research of government number-crunchers is a real testament to the civil service work ethic.

 This year's glimpse into the statistical crystal ball foresaw the number of legal challenges to the Government in the first full year of Chinese rule running nearly 50 per cent higher than 1996, the last full year under British rule.

 Intrigued, a reporter asked why the administration anticipated such a landslide of protest.

 Oh, said the justice department representative, it really means nothing. The figure rose in 1997 because it was a rate assessment year, with the traditional caseload bulge.

  In that case, why didn't the numbers go back down in 1998, once the rate wrangles were finished?  Simple, the Government said. Analysts ignored the anomaly and got the 1998 figure by simply adding 10 per cent to last year's results.

 They might want to consider adopting a more scientific method next year.

 We suggest a dart board.

Shine is lost It is always nice to receive special offers so thank you to Ansett Australia for promoting a concert with pianist David Helfgott with cheap tickets for frequent flyers.

 One wonders though, why they are offering cut-price fares to Australia for the period when the subject of the film Shine will be in Hong Kong.

 Even if you are not a fan, leaving the country to avoid him seems a little extreme.

A what? Hongkong Telecom continues to leave much to the imagination.

 One caller requesting an overseas number spelt out the name of the company, Altoon and Porter Architects in Los Angeles, only to discover from an LA waitress that Telecom had got it wrong again.

 'So let me get this straight. You wanna get some information on the design of a Hong Kong railway station?  'But I still don't understand what this has to do with our restaurant,' said the woman from an eatery named Alto Pollato.

 Well, they both start with the same letters don't they? 



Eat your heart out, but not yet