Is this a fair way to treat a golf-club member?

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 11 January, 2000, 12:00am
UPDATED : Tuesday, 11 January, 2000, 12:00am


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Imagine flying all the way round the world to scatter the ashes of a loved one. You are determined that he will achieve final peace in the place he was happiest.

This is a place of beauty, a place of rolling hills and perfect grass.

Unfortunately, it's also a place of strict dress codes.

A bereaved relative flew all the way to Hong Kong to pour her relative's remains over his beloved Hong Kong golf club in Fanling. The deceased golfer's best moments were spent here, and it was here that he had wished to spend eternity.

Unfortunately, the gateway to eternity isn't open to people in jeans and street shoes.

The mourner circled the globe only to find her way blocked by the golf club's dress code.

We're told staffers who witnessed the ensuing dispute felt terrible for standing in the way of a dead member's dying wish.

But rules are rules, and those clothes were a clear violation.

In the end, a passing club member took pity on the stricken urn-bearer and offered to take the ashes on to the green. So the precious ashes were upended on to the grass by a stranger in golf gear.


To prevent this from happening again, Lai See suggests the club find a gentle way of alerting people to the rules.

Perhaps a tasteful little poem on the wall in the reception area.

A few lines that might go something like this: Ashes to ashes, And dust to dust, If you're scattering loved ones, Golf shoes are a must.

Lai See's Quote of the Month comes from Johnny Depp who told the Telegraph that he'd erased the memory of Winona Ryder by altering his tattoo, which had read 'Winona Forever'.

'It now says Wino Forever, which is more appropriate,' he said.

'I have a deep appreciation of the grape.' The people at Toyota are so in touch with their feminine sides.

They're so modern, so politically correct, so generally enlightened.

The car giant just put together a special 'Woman's Programme' to coincide with the launch of the new Toyota Echo into the 'lifestyle segment of the Australian market'.

And no expense has been spared as the automotive boys throw open the gates of their industry to all of womankind.

They even organised a special 'Ladies Day' at the Sydney Motor Show.

Dozens of top experts were brought in to help female car enthusiasts appreciate the Echo's merits.

By 'experts', we mean fashion experts.

'Toyota's Ladies Day is a whole day totally focused on the motoring needs of women which usually includes a stunning fashion parade,' the company's magazine tells us.

'Toyota invited some of Australia's top fashion designers to create gowns that mirrored the values of the new Echo.

'The result was 33 totally unique gowns.' Above this is a picture of a gown-clad model strutting a makeshift cat walk.

Well done, boys.

This is a stroke of marketing genius. In fact, it's working already.

The dress in that picture looked so fabulous, and flattered the female form so effectively that Lai See wanted to run out and buy a car.

If you're a boss in search of new staff, you've probably spent the last few weeks poring over reference letters.

For those who don't really understand some of the terms and phrases, reader Stephen Austin has provided a list of translations.

Here are a few of them: Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.

Unlimited potential: Will stick with the company until retirement.

Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Takes pride in work: Conceited.

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.

Not a desk person: Did not go to college.

Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no one else.

Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.