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Lingering kiss gets short shrift

Lai See is an Ally McBeal fan. And for some time we've been hearing of the controversial episode where Ally enjoys a long kiss with female co-character Ling.

When it aired in America eons ago, there were the predictable rustles of indignation from the far right.

Here in Hong Kong, the episode aired Monday night on ATV. Armed with a bowl of popcorn, Lai See curled up in front of the television to find out what all the fuss was about.

For about 45 minutes the show built towards the kiss as a confused Ally fretted that she might have lesbian tendencies.

At last the Big Moment arrived. The two women leaned towards each other . . . then a still photo of their lips meeting blinked on the screen, before they were suddenly standing apart again.

Either those women were lousy kissers or someone had decided to follow in Singapore's footsteps by taking the kiss out of the kiss episode.

We called ATV's head of standards and practices, Sandy Li, to find out what happened.

Turns out the station's arbiters of good taste had declared the kiss 'a little bit too prolonged' and slashed it accordingly.

Ms Li informs us that such censorship is the hallmark of 'free domestic television'.

Lucky us, being so much freer than everyone else.

It seems that in Hong Kong, a kiss really is an acronym for keep it short, stupid.

Head case: Michael Katzmann suffers from migraines.

We're told he was just prescribed Rizatriptan.

But as he told RHF Web site visitors: 'After reading the accompanying data sheet, I wonder whether this is really what I need . . .' It contained this warning: 'USES: This medication is used to treat acute migraine attacks.

'SIDE EFFECTS: Drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, nausea or headache may occur.' Fat chance: We just dropped in on Paul Thompson's Pig Farm Web site.

This, the homepage brags, is 'the only 'known' pig farm located next to a golf course in the entire United States!'.

Wow. He must be so proud.

Mr Thompson, we are told, is known for playing country music to his pigs.

He claims the music reduces stress and enhances the tenderness of the meat.

'Any day you can visit the Pig Farm and see the animals lying around listening to country music and getting fat!' visitors are told.

But this idyllic scene has been blighted by the newly constructed Florida Club next door. Its owners claim the music disturbs their golfers.

Tough, says the farmer, I was here first.

The whole thing has drifted into court this week.

Which is why Mr Thompson is sending out this plea on his site: 'We want to hear from anyone who has heard of this practice or is actively playing music to a large number of animals,' he says.

'Also, if anyone is aware of any scientific information to back up the claim that music calms the beast, please take a minute and e-mail the Pigfarmer and tell us about it.' It seems the golf course people are less than impressed by his Western-music-makes-pork-more-tender theory.

They claim it's hog wash.

Smoke screen: You're probably aware that tobacco firm Philip Morris recently announced its plans to take over food giant Nabisco. The topfive.com gang couldn't resist running a list of 'New Products From Philip Morris/Nabisco'.

The winners were 'Chemo-Wheat Hot Cereal' and 'Planter's Six Feet Under Party Mix'.

Graphic: whee12gbz

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