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FPDSavills promotion up front

Get yer balconies out for the lads. Corrr, look at the rendering on that. Niiiice, tiling.

No, we did not put our misogynist's hat on this morning. Instead we've been checking out international property consultant FPDSavills' latest newspaper ad. The advertisement promoted the latest residential development and investment opportunities in London.

Alongside the usual boring old pictures of buildings is one of a young lady, who appears to come from the Erin Brockovich school of push-up bras.

The picture is promoting the Artilleries development which boasts, ahem, superb balconies.

Intrigued, Lai See sought out the company's Web site, purely in the interests of professional journalism you understand. A very flash Web site tells us of the apartment's ravishing advantages, heavenly private car parking, and stunning design.

Potential purchasers are taken on a journey through the flat's more prominent features.

Inspired investment: Scantily clad model wearing diamond dog collar.

Great transport: Model in horse-riding gear, complete with saddle and crop, standing over a submissive looking, semi-naked hunk.

Underground parking: Model straddling sports car.

Twenty-four hour security: Disappointingly there were no pictures with this.

Cracking kitchen wear: Yet more lingerie, with the model holding a frying pan with an egg in it.

Business is business: Lai See was outraged. So we got on the phone to Tina Ting, FPD's manager of UK property development and demanded to know what it was all about.

'This young lady brings us a lot of business,' she laughed. Lai See spluttered with indignation.

We pointed out that the development was within spanking distance of Buckingham Palace, the Foreign Office, Westminster Abbey, and the Houses of Parliament.

'Some people working in Westminster have been very interested,' she said conspiratorially.

We bet they have.

Lai See hopes this kind advertising imagery doesn't catch on in Hong Kong. Imagine the consequences if developers Sun Hung Kai get hold of this idea for promoting The Belchers.

Throwing in the towel: Exercise is such a chore. All that running around and lifting weights. And to cap it all, you have to dress and shower yourself at the end of it all. Well, maybe not everybody.

Lai See's gym spy reports that some people appear to have trouble co-ordinating sports-shoe removal with mobile-phone use.

They also have trouble reaching for the towel rail, and dressing themselves. So why bother when you can have the latest in multi-purpose gym-maids.

Sadly, female visitors to California's gym in Central have been taking their domestic helpers along to do just that.

Our spy tells us of maids having to hang around the changing-rooms while their employers pump a little iron.

After a sweaty work-out, and not being able to wait to make that all important phone call to the manicurist, pampered iron-pumpers have been witnessed having their gym-clothes removed for them while they are using their mobile, and towels being handed to elegant arms extended from behind shower curtains.

A spokesman for California denied allowing non-membership holders into the changing rooms.

'We are very strict. You need swipe cards to get in,' she said.

Well, the answer is simple then.

Maids should be banned from taking their employers to the gym.

Graphic: whee29gbz

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