Paying top dollar for Penthouse

PUBLISHED : Thursday, 31 August, 2000, 12:00am
UPDATED : Thursday, 31 August, 2000, 12:00am

Online stock-trading providers are banking on a new strategy for pulling in the punters., the Internet arm of listed South China Brokerage, has just announced a promotional scheme designed to tug more clients away from the competition. Under the scheme, anyone who registers with its stock trading Web site will be entitled to a six-month subscription to one of the eight monthly magazines published by sister company South China Media.

Hidden among the mundane Sunday-morning toilet reading titles such Jessica, marie claire and Lisa, is a cheeky little rag called Penthouse (Hong Kong edition).

However, to get their hands on a mag, new clients will have to conduct a pair of trades, or one trade with a volume of not less than HK$80,000.

The magazines retail at HK$35-HK$38 each.

Lai See did some sums and calculated that HK$80,000 would buy 2,105 Penthouses, or one a week for the next 40 years.

And South China is offering a six-month subscription?

Come on guys, pull the other one.

Horse manoeuvre: Lai See has just uncovered the worst job in the world.

It's a Sydney airport aircraft cleaning contractor.

You know, the people who clean up after passengers have left the plane.

Well, Sydney airport's scrub-down crew are going to need more than a small plastic bin-liner and a pair of tongs when Lufthansa starts flying in the 200 horses due to take part in the equestrian events at the Olympic Games.

Especially if the airline is serving up that scrambled egg and sausage for brekky.

Not to mention the nervous flyers.

We're told the whole German team is travelling on the same flight.

Well, good luck to them.

Let's hope they come up smelling of roses.

Language test: Here's a test. What has a bonnet, a bumper, a muffler and a trunk?

We're guessing the smart ones out there have realised that Lai See has mixed up a couple of 'foreign' words, and the answer is a car (or automobile).

United States car rental company Hertz doesn't think you'll get it. That's why under the 'choose language' section on their Web site they have English (US) and English (UK).

To compare, we checked out their Azerbaijan vehicle guide page in both English (US) and English (UK).

I mean, is it the fault of the British that Americans think a fag-lighter is a member of a right wing fascist group?

Anyway, surprise, surprise, the pages were the same.

Yet another example of two countries separated by a common language.

Rubber wear: Tired of hearing about the problems at troubled US tyre company Firestone?

Well, so are we.

However, the funboys at have come up with some pretty good excuses for why the company had to initiate the largest recall of vehicle tyres in history.

5: Years of working for Nike has softened up the Third World labour force. You just can't get nine-year-olds to listen these days can you?

4: Marketing told us that exploding tyres were a huge hit in the key nine to 13-year-old male demographic.

3: We shouldn't have gone with that cheap air from Taiwan.

2: Operation Philip Morris was proceeding nicely, but we accidently started killing customers before the lobbyists were in place.

1: Too busy developing new fragile porcelain brake pads to notice.

Graphic: whee31gbz