Homeless twin a bond girl
Lai See just received another instalment in the strange tale of the Mystery Twins.
Living the lives of the homeless, they can be seen wandering around Lan Kwai Fong whispering to each other and picking occasional fights with passers by.
They are mirror images of each other, with matching clothes and flowing white hair.
Regular readers will recall that someone calling himself 'In the Know' claimed that the pair actually own two posh flats between them but choose to live outside because when they were young, their powerful father used to lock them up 23 hours a day. They were eventually freed when outsiders learned of their plight.
So ends chapter one.
After reading this tale, one of Lai See's regular informants called to say that he knew one of the sisters back in the early 80s. They even enjoyed the odd drink together in the pub after work.
She was a bond trader.
We're told she was in the employ of Manufacturers Hanover Trust before it became part of Chase Manhattan.
'Back then, they were normal, sophisticated young ladies,' Deep Throat recalled.
'I think the other one was a secretary.'
But eventually, and in tandem, their behaviour began to change as they started 'going funny'.
Which just goes to show you how wrong it is to avoid people just because they appear strange or homeless. It's worth taking the time to get to know them.
Because behind the strange looks and odd behaviour, they're just human beings like everyone else.
Besides, they might have some good market tips.
Reader Malcolm recently visited the mainland, where he basked in the luxury of a Chinese hotel.
The menu offered a selection of intriguing dishes he had never before encountered.
Among them were 'J Crat Mest Stioks, Fruit Spit, Botch, and Rape'.
Mr Brocklebank decided it all sounded a tad experimental for his taste, and opted for a trip to the swimming pool instead.
But there were some unusual restrictions.
Among the rules were 'Good health guests only' and 'No sunstroke oil'.
Not surprisingly, Mr Brocklebank retired to his room.
Fastest solderer in the West
More sage words from American philosopher Jack Handy's 'Deep Thoughts' collection:
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say: 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The Soldering Iron of Justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the Soldering Iron of Justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's OK to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said. 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started driving over to the real Disneyland but it was getting pretty late.