Perfect measures of cognac

PUBLISHED : Wednesday, 22 November, 2000, 12:00am
UPDATED : Wednesday, 22 November, 2000, 12:00am

'Men are like keys. I'm always forgetting where I put them.'

If Lai See came out with that, men would stare at her oddly and suggest she ease back on the wine.

But they'd never say that to Martell. When Martell makes bizarre man-as-lost-key analogies, every man within earshot begins twisting his body into a key-like shape in the desperate hope that she'll pick him up before losing him somewhere.

Why? Because 'Martell oozes style and sensuality and is full of warmth and inner-confidence'. Because 'Martell is an enigma, and a fashion icon'.

We read that on a press kit promoting her. She's also very good with a cigar.

By now, you've no doubt guessed that Martell is the female embodiment of a bottle of cognac. She began popping up on television screens on Monday.

She's also gracing an 'elegant' launch party at Stix bar on Friday.

We can't tell you much about the actual liquid product she represents, because it doesn't appear in the new batch of adverts and is barely mentioned in the pages of promotional literature.

Perhaps Lai See is nit-picking but we kind of wondered what year the cognac was made, how much it costs and how much of it comes in each bottle.

To find out, we waded through minutes of promotional video (Martell jumping on a bed, looking sultry while holding a match, and contemplating sex in a lift) and pages of text ('Wherever she is and whatever country she's in, Martell is always at the right places to be seen with the people to be seen with!') But nothing about the beverage.

Then at last we found it - a page of 'vital statistics'. At last, some cold hard facts about the actual product.

Turns out the cognac is five foot nine and its measurements are 34-23-35.

Risk management: The managing director of AIA Pension and Trustee was late for his own office luncheon yesterday.

But there was a good reason for it. Desmond Chan Kwok-kit's wife had chosen that particular morning to crash her car.

Don't worry. The lady's fine and the vehicle's insured.

Mr Chan even gets a staff discount on general insurance at his firm.

We assume his wife was insured by AIA?

Good lord, no. 'My wife is too high-risk a driver for AIA,' Mr Chan told lunch guests.

He said he hadn't wanted his company's general insurance arm to end up paying the price for his beloved's habit of colliding with other objects.

We're told she drove her car premiums through the roof last year, when she had another accident in the same vehicle.

It sounds like AIA's director received a crash-course in insurance economics.

Sunevision pop-up pops out: Now you see him, now you don't. Look, there he is again. The mysterious and elusive Herbert Hui.

More than two weeks have passed since he resigned from his job as Sunevision's managing director.

He was nowhere to be found when the announcement was made.

Mr Hui had vanished into some unspecified form of business trip.

But yesterday the future MD of Sun Hung Kai Properties Direct Investments popped up again.

He made a surprise appearance at an e-commerce luncheon organised by the Harvard Business School Association of Hong Kong where he said he's going back to school. The 41-year-old investment banking veteran is off to Harvard to enroll in some 'short courses'.

Dark mutterings came from the press gang as the elusive Mr Hui once again slipped from their grasp.

We suspect Mr Hui won't be taking classes on dealing with the media. He's already learned his lesson.

Graphic: whee22gbz