Crushing the litter monster
Are we a tad hungover today? Feel like you've been mowed down by a huge garbage truck?
It can't be as bad as the brutal beating Lap Sap Chung's been taking on the Government's Web site. Literally.
The purple and green litter monster has been resurrected from its campaigning days of the 1970s to help fight the war against pollution in Hong Kong. Drastic times call for drastic measures, after all.
Lai See isn't quite sure what the monster does. We think he is a litter monster rather than a litter buster. Presumably this is why you're being invited to kill Lap Sap Chung with a violent strike to his skull.
The Government's Web site has posted a new 'knock out Lap Sap Chung' game, with contestants vying for a precious mug. Armed with an enormous mallet, the aim of the game is to wipe out the monster with a single blow.
Ah, if only all littermongers got the same treatment.
Lai See could finally congratulate the Government for taking its pollution problem seriously.
An earful: It's time to get nostalgic. As a tribute to the year 2000, Lai See has compiled a list of the most memorable quotes of the year.
'Drink-driving isn't as serious as, say, visiting prostitutes - it's not something that would instantly affect the image of Legco.' - Liberal Party member and Legco transport representative Miriam Lau Kin-yee.
'For me, I just pretended I spent it on a midnight dim sum.' - Property tycoon Lee Shau-kee brushing off his HK$2.5 million paper loss on CyberWorks shares.
'The fact is, my salad was the highest in Hong Kong.' - Chan Hing-kai, who took Pizza Hut to court, claiming he was the rightful winner of a salad-building contest in Hong Kong. The prize, worth HK$50,000 was awarded to a contestant in Macau.
'I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.' - President-elect George W. Bush on the campaign trail.
'Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?' - President-elect George W. Bush.
'The media must raise its knowledge, do you know that? Your questions are too simple, sometimes naive!' - Chinese President Jiang Zemin loses his cool with Hong Kong reporters.
'I would like to have Brooklyn christened but I'm not sure which religion yet.' - England soccer star David Beckham, on his son.
'Circumstances have changed since I first called you . . . I need to withdraw my concession until the situation is clear.' - Al Gore to George W. Bush.
'You don't have to get snippy about it.'
- Mr Gore to Mr Bush, as heard by a Gore aide.
Girl power: Beer-guzzling 'ladettes' are out and femininity is back, according to a new poll. Women no longer aspire to match their men pint-to-pint, says the Archers Peach Schnapps survey of 1,000 18 to 24-year-old women in Britain.
Apparently we aspire to being more demure these days. Femininity is now seen as being strong-willed, independent and genuine. Only 7 per cent saw it as being girly and naive.
Traditional white weddings are the new trend, and co-habiting has been dubbed 'dated'.
According to an Archers spokesman, women 'want to reclaim their femininity, but also retain the sense of independence and attitude that they have won over the years'.
Combat trousers and trainers are out, kitten heels and short skirts are in, according to the poll. More worryingly, only 15 per cent say they enjoy knocking back the beer. Eight out of 10 women prefer a short 'shot' of alcohol.
Bo***cks to that, says Lai See. I'm off for a kebab.
Charlotte Parsons is on holiday