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David Evans

ING Barings was yesterday serving up more than coffee and biscuits in an effort to entertain media representatives at its 2002-The Asian Equity Markets Revival media conference.

The show started shortly after the arrival of a cameraman from terrestrial television channel TVB.

The cameraman thought it would be a good idea to set up his tripod in front of Far Eastern Economic Review reporter Tom Holland.

Mr Holland objected and asked him to move, which he did, grudgingly.

The cameraman then had a change of mind and moved it back.

Meanwhile, ING's chief economist, Tim Condon  - who deserves an award for carrying on in the face of adversity - was explaining the bank's thoughts on Asia.

'What we are looking for is trying to find economies in Asia which can generate domestic demand-driven growth and are not dependent on exports,' says Mr Condon.

'The other key feature for the outlook for . . . (voice trails off)' crash, bang, wallop as the cameraman's tripod falls over and there is some shoving.

Cameraman shouts at Mr Holland: 'Why are you trying to beat me up?'

Mr Condon quips: 'Goodness, a bit of controversy away from the speaker,' followed by: 'Gentleman, please,' as it starts to get out of hand.

Things quieten down, but a bit of argy-bargy can still be heard coming from the protagonists.

A little while later . . .

Cameraman shouts at Mr Holland: 'Why don't you speak in Chinese? I'm calling the police.' He gets on the phone.

Markus Rosgen, ING's clearly annoyed Asian strategist, says sarcasticly: 'Excuse me, if you want to have a conversation here, why don't you do that?'

According to reports from the scene, after the Press conference, Mr Holland was questioned by the police because the cameraman - who was reportedly last seen leaving the bank's offices strapped to a wheelchair -  insisted on pressing assault charges.

A source close to Mr Holland said the real victims of the incident were ING's Mr Rosgen and Mr Condon.

'But at least it stopped anyone asking them why they had a buy on the euro,' said the source.

A nasty Hobbit: How can you tell when selling pirate copy DVDs for a living has lost its lustre?

When copies of the yet-to-be-released-in-Hong Kong film Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring  appear on a street corner in Quarry Bay sans vendor, but next to an honesty box.

Easy axes: In the States, the latest corporate must-have is a software package that fires your employees for you.

At the press of a key, it e-mails to say they're history and closes the payroll account, reports The Times newspaper.

It cancels company credit cards and any other perks, and shuts down e-mail and phones.

You still have to explain to the person that he or she doesn't have a job, say the makers of this macabre office tool, already in use in some corporations.

Presumably they're working on it.

According to a Singapore-based observer: 'There is a curious anomaly in the must-have firing software package.

'If at the same press of the key as it sends the fateful e-mail it also shuts down the e-mail account, how does  the recipient know he has been fired?' he asked.

'Presumably, not being able to access e-mail, and then not being able to phone to find out why, is the signal to clear one's desk.'

Electric eel, anyone? Word of the Day: Cyclops (zoological) - A genus of small fresh-water copepods, having an eye (apparently single, but really double) situated in the middle of the front of the head.

Readers may want to refer to this word when eating at a Lamma Island fish restaurant situated just around the bay from the power station.

For example: 'I'm not eating THAT.'

Next week: Radiation.

Graphic: whee11gbz



Cameraman interrupts Holland's opus