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David Evans

Hang Seng Bank staff should form an orderly queue behind vice-chairman and chief executive Vincent Cheng Hoi-chuen.

Unveiling the bank's results on Monday, Mr Cheng scotched a rumour regarding voluntary redundancies.

However, he admitted that running a bank was hard work.

'If there was a very good compensation package I'd be the first to go,' he joked.

Long road to redemption: A winner of the Cathay Pacific Airways Great Return Ticket Giveaway believes it's all part of a plot to film a reality TV endurance contest.

Here is his story.

March 1: The letter arrives informing you that none of your friends got the ticket - the winner is your aunt whose name you entered out of family duty.

She can only find time in her busy schedule to visit you between April 3 and 8.

The letter tells you to go to a location in North Point to collect your winner's pack. Closest MTR station Fortress Hill. As the booking must be made 30 days in advance you take time off work to rush there.

The Redemption Centre turns out to be 20 minutes walk from the Fortress Hill MTR, down a side street, in an industrial estate, on the 13th floor. With the aid of a policeman, a noodle seller and two passersby, you find the entrance - unmarked and partially obscured by rubbish.

At last, you come to a shabby temporary office where about 40 contestants are ahead of you. Just one man is giving out the redemption packs.

On average it takes him five minutes 22 seconds to explain the rules to each winner, of which there are 10,000.

You take the pack home and fill in the forms.

Standing by the fax machine, you scan the form for the fax number of the Redemption Centre.

There is no number. On one of the many pages you find a fax number for competition enquiries, but not for returning the booking form.

You call the enquiry number but it is engaged and you are invited to leave your number so they can call you back. Remember, your 30-day deadline is diminishing by the second.

Finally, you receive a phone call with the secret fax number.

The paper slides through the machine! Is it victory? Will aunty arrive? Read the small print: 'Bookings are subject to availability of seats.'

Final shot of our reality TV show has lucky contestant trying to insert fax machine into Cathay's Redemption Officer in small grubby office on Fortress Hill industrial estate.

Only in America: If it was good enough for Japanese companies then it must be good enough for the US Department of Justice.

Throughout the 1980s, Japanese employees' loyalty to their company was displayed during the morning ritual of singing the company song and lauding its achievements.

Now US Attorney-General John Ashcroft has taken his fondness for morning prayer meetings at the Justice Department one step further - asking his staff to start the day by singing patriotic songs he wrote himself.

The move has alarmed employees, who seem less than taken with their bosses' musical skills, according to BBC Online.

Mr Ashcroft himself gives a gutsy rendition of his own tune, Let the Eagle Soar, whose title reflects the song's patriotic spirit.

The deeply Christian attorney-general, fired by the country's wartime spirit, has begun distributing printouts of the lyrics to his tune at Justice Department meetings so that his staff can join in.

Spanish speakers are being recruited to translate the song, which has curious shades of Neil Diamond in its tinkly country and western rhymes.

With more jingoism than subtlety the song continues . . .

'Oh she's far too young to die; You can see it in her eye; She's not yet begun to fly.'

Enough of that. I am sure you get the gist.

When asked why she objected to her boss's patriotic gesture, one Justice Department lawyer replied: 'Have you heard the song? It really sucks.'

Graphic: whee06gbz



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Cathay Pacific

No easy way out for the busy banker