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SCMP Reporter

Some sports fans and reporters really do take their favourite game very seriously. So much so, it seems, that nothing, not even a war involving their own country, should get in the way of basketball.

The New York Times  yesterday reported the earth-shattering information that, because of CBS News' likely coverage of the impending war with Iraq, much of, if not all, its 'March Madness' coverage will have to be moved to ESPN.

The report describes in detail how CBS and ESPN will manage such a situation so as not to disturb the usual chain of events too much when it comes to programming.

Talk about getting your reporting priorities right!

A spokesman said: 'No one is certain how long the war could disturb March Madness in daylight or prime time. If the need for 24/7 coverage abates after a day or so, CBS could resume its usual plan. People know we're making changes because the nation is at war.'

Or do they?

OLD ONES ARE BEST ONES

There's nothing like stereotypes when delivering a joke prior to a speech.

Seriously.

One speaker at a seminar on consumer satisfaction in Hong Kong yesterday resorted to the tried and tested 'there are four guys, one's Irish, the other American' method of jokes.

And, like all those cliched ticklers, it worked.

The lecturer, talking about conducting a global food survey, said it was very difficult to get the poll underway using the question: 'In your honest opinion, would you please suggest a solution to the food shortage problem in the rest of the world?'

The lecturer said the survey was bound to be difficult because, 'Asians don't know about the concept of honesty, South Americans don't know about the concept of please, the Middle East doesn't know about the concept of a solution, Eastern Europeans don't know about the concept of opinion, Australians don't know about the concept of shortage, Africans don't know about the concept of food, and the Americans don't know about the concept of the rest of the world.'

Nothing like solidarity in the face of war.

DR WHO?

Ever noticed how when some kind of health epidemic breaks out, everyone has a good friend who is a doctor?

This e-mail was spotted doing the rounds. Take it or leave it.

'Just warned again by my doctor friend in [Hong Kong University] that they now suspect the flu is caused by some kind of virus.

'They suspect that the main form of transmission is by hand contact. People get the virus by touching the fluid left by the infected patients at (sic) door knobs, utensils and so on, and then rub their nose or eyes.

'The virus is not too contagious by air because other patients at Prince of Wales Hospital [where the first infected patient was taken] adjacent to the infected patients apparently are OK, but doctors, nurses and workers who got in touch (sic) with the patients or indirectly with the utensils are infected.'

So, all you have to do is:

Wear a glove on the hand you use most often.

Only socialise with monkeys.

Have someone else open all doors for you.

Don't ditch the face mask.

Maybe Michael Jackson was right after all?

DUCKING THE ISSUE

Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Fidel Castro have all received votes in Finland's parliamentary elections, according to Web site Ananova.com.

Their names were among 24,400 rejected votes in the election to the 200-seat parliament.

Other unusual vote winners included the classic French cartoon character Obelix, and Donald Duck, who got the most with about a dozen votes.

'He always wins', said electoral official Heikki Liljeroos.

Finnish voters write the number of their preferred candidate inside a circle on a piece of paper. The paper is folded over and stamped by an election official.

If a ballot is scribbled, empty, illegible or has an invalid number on it, it is automatically rejected.

One can only marvel at how Donald goes through that process just using his webbed feet. And we didn't even know he was Finnish.



War looks set to disrupt the real action