Enough, already! Why the celeb appeal? Part of the hotel's allure is Les Caves du Roy, a nightclub largely populated by beautiful people all happy to bop away in designer hell.

Viva la disco ... Indeed. But don't worry if glitter balls leave you cold, the rest of the hotel is a lot less retro. Tell us more Built to resemble a jaunty fishing village, the look is Provencal rustic meets Middle-Eastern ritz: the public areas are dotted with Phoenician gold statues from 300BC, while the guest rooms are a riot of stripes, florals and amoeba Paisley shapes.

Identikit or individual? Each of the 50 rooms and 47 suites has its own style. One suite sports pickled woods and neo-modern furnishings in cool blue, while another room has a sleeping loft with a wall-sized window framing the sea. The bathrooms are patterned with mosaic tiles, and some have sunken whirlpool tubs.

What's on the menu? Mod Med at Spoon, which allows guests to create their own dishes by choosing ingredients from a menu with a Moroccan slant. For unadulterated Mediterranean fare, visit Bayader, where the menus match the cuisine: sapphire blue for seafood, emerald green for vegetables.

Anything else we should know? The pool is people-watching heaven - and if the sight of all those beautiful bods makes you break into a sweat, an attendant will cool you down with a spritz of mineral water.