Quite right, four's a crowd. But crikey, Fothers, swat the still room maid with a swagger stick, who is peddling such stuff? Damn hack or film type?

Both, actually. But he is one of us. Son of a diplomat, that aristo character actor chappie. The Oscar-winning screenwriter of Gosford Park and now best-selling author of Snobs, his first novel. Wassisname, Julian 'jolly good' Fellowes. Apparently, it's on a par with Noel Coward's plays, described as a 'delicious comedy of manners on the social nuances of English life'.

Blow me. Old Jules, breaking ranks?

Not quite, although Snobs sends up the distinctive snobbery of us Brits, those literary types think we blue bloods come up smelling of roses, even when it shows the games we play to put people in their place.

Games?

Like madame telling people not to dress for dinner, 'just to fling something on', and then turning up herself in full-scale taffeta. There's also the ploy of making guests eat in the scullery if late for dinner, or telling them to return in 15 if they arrive early.

Character-forming stuff, what. But does it make us look silly, Fothers?

Apparently not. It shows us to be a tad winsome. Anachronistic, yes, but affable and harmless. It is the gaucheness of social climbers, the Daily Mail-reading suburban wannabes, that get it in the neck. Those Gucci-wearing Posh Spice types who don't know their toilets from their lavatories, their pardons from sorrys, relatives from relations.

Quite right, Fothers, the middle classes have as much breeding

as a GM potato. What's the full shebang?

A rather handsome Sloane Ranger wants to leave the stockbroker belt confines of Weybridge, Surrey, and marry a titled aristo, much like ourselves. But she finds life a parsec too boring, so she starts gadding about with some dashing actor. She has to decide if she wants the high life, or high society. It includes breathless insights into our class system.

So, Jules, a boarding school type and better half of Emma Kitchener, was just the man for the job?

Rather, your Montyness. After all, Ems is lady-in-waiting to Princess Michael of Kent and granddaughter of Earl Kitchener of Khartoum. She even got the Prince and Princess to attend the book launch at the Ritz.

Rather. So, who put Jules up to this best-selling writing caper?

I gather a rich American heiress followed his acting career but thought he should try writing. She died before Gosford Park, although she did leave him a #4 million (HK$55 million) legacy. Then, the Weidenfeld & Nicholson publishers cottoned onto English snobbery being a big seller at home and across the Pond in Yanksville, USA.

Why on earth should simple codes of social interaction be interesting, Fotherhood, old sport?

Indeed, but not everyone knows. Everyone wants respect and social stature, dontchaknow? As Jules told the Daily Mail: 'It's an examination of snobbery, what motivates it, what attracts us to it, what instinct, in the end, makes snobs of us all.'

I suppose Snobs mentions embarrassing episodes with social climbers and starchy etiquette?

Strictly in passing. Such as the fact you should only address an envelope to the female half of the couple.

Rather. Spot of billiards before dinner, Fothers?

Never before din dins. You know the rules, Monty, dear chap.