Life is full of inane niceties. Honesty is all too often misinterpreted as meanness - nowhere more aptly demonstrated than by judges at talent shows. Contestants are reduced to tears, while the audience loves to hate them.
So, it was impossible to pass up the invitation to judge the World Battle of the Bands competition, a global event rocking and rolling its way through Hong Kong, the US, Australia and New Zealand.
Not that I want to make anyone cry, of course. The opportunity instead afforded a momentary glimpse of freedom of speech. Not to mention lubrication with free beer.
Up for grabs is the chance for the winning band to press a record, win a van-load of musical equipment and, of course, gain the distinction of being the best of the best.
Like a musical World Cup, regional preliminary fixtures are followed by semi-finals and finals. This is then repeated in each region until the winning bands converge on Auckland in December to duke it out for the mantle of best band in the world. The event kicked off on Tuesday, with the first of 16 heats at Carnegie's in Wan Chai and for the next four Saturdays at the Fringe Club in Central. The grand final is in August.
Joining me in the lofty heights of the Carnegie's balcony to judge this opening bout are cinematographer Chris Doyle, DJ Kulu, music guru Wong Chi-chung, Thinking Out Loud rocker and music publisher Chris B, and organiser Andrew Featherstone, who started the event 11 years ago in Auckland, and co-organised the Hong Kong leg with new local entertainment group Tyrrell Corporation.
'It's been a little bit stressful, this being the first international heat,' says Featherstone, lighting up his umpteenth cigarette. 'It's good to be reminded that it's all about the music, after sorting all the logistics out,' he says, keeping an eye on the steady trickle of punters lured in by the promise of free vodka.