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Vivienne Chow

Actress Victoria Lam Kin-ming seems like she can laugh at anything. But three years ago, she could hardly raise a smile because of depression.

'It was 2002. Just all of a sudden I became a different person,' recalled the 50-year-old TV star. 'I wasn't motivated to do anything at all. I didn't shower for three or four days. I wanted to die.

'I didn't understand why. I felt like I was a useless person. I had no goals in my life. I hated meeting people.'

Lam said that she thought of various ways to kill herself, from jumping out of a building to burning charcoal. But she was so lacklustre all she did was stay in bed.

'Perhaps I was kind of lucky in that way, I ended up not killing myself,' she said.

It took Lam a year to get treatment in early 2003.

'I had to shoot a TV commercial [for an immigration consultancy].  I was terrified. I had no confidence. I thought I was ugly.'

Lam said that was when she went to see a specialist. 'When I was told that I actually had an illness, I was relieved. It was something that could be cured. If I'd known earlier I wouldn't have wasted a whole year.'

Lam was told by the doctor to go ahead with the TV commercial.

'I recited a very simple line over 100 times. In fact, what is showing on TV currently was filmed when I was at my worst.'

In April 2003, when Leslie Cheung Kwok-wing  jumped out of a window at the Mandarin Oriental, Lam was very upset.

'It was depression that claimed his life. It made me realise the seriousness of the illness.'

Afterwards Lam took the treatment even more seriously. 'I followed all the doctor's instructions by heart. I was told to exercise three times a week, but I made it four times,' she said.

Lam founded the Joyful (Mental Health) Foundation last year, though she wasn't fully recovered from her illness at the time.

She hopes that through the foundation's work, such as seminars and regular roadshows, she can publicise correct information about depression and other mental health issues, and help sufferers to find their way out.

'Depression is a biological illness. But a lot of people still don't understand. It took me one year to educate my friends.

'It's not like you've lost an arm or a leg. Emotional illness cannot be seen, but the harm it does to people is serious.'



'I had no goals. I hated meeting people'