THE ROAD FROM Malaga to Ronda is as twisty and smooth as Route Twisk, but our driver, one of China's leading motoring writers, has red ants in his pants. Maybe he's testing BMW's new 750Li for a mainland crime film, pretending that the little Seat behind us is a pursuit car. In any case, this revision of the best-selling 745Li holds the road a lot better than my nerve in hairy situations.
As our stretch saloon clocks into another bend, late but with at least three guardian angels on overtime, I wonder whether Bavaria's best safety brains have prepared this Big Bimmer for the extremity of the 'Hong Kong Drivers Abroad' test.
BMW's boffins have done their homework, however. At high noon in this craggy spaghetti western country of Andalusia, the 750Li's adaptive drive suspension forgives jerky driving and slow reactions a lot quicker than a Hong Kong boss might. As we lurch into every sharp, steep turn, the dynamic drive is busy reducing our Big Bimmer's body roll; the electronic damper control sensors are adapting our ride to the road's shimmering undulations; and the dynamic stability control is monitoring, in milliseconds, our tweaked aluminium suspension's inclination to swerve.
All this technology might seem excessive in Hong Kong, but in Andalusia they're worth every cent at every brace. We have high-performance disk brakes, electronic brake force distribution, intelligent headrests, belt tensioners and the reassurance of eight airbags tested by the most tolerant crash-dummies in Germany, but I still grip the door handle, as our back-seat passenger speaks.
'Please keep to the speed limits,' says the former bureau chief of a leading European broadsheet. 'They're there for a reason.' But the 5.179-metre, 2,025kg 750Li sashays around another bend at an unprintable velocity, and with remarkable composure for a stretch.
'The Guardia Civil fine on the spot,' says the voice in the back. Nobody expects the Spanish police, but our driver slows as quickly as some taxi drivers do when they're lost. Our track's been widened by 14mm, but my alert kicks in as our tyres scatter grit into a ravine.