Messy, messy messages
From the day man first took a swig, it's been a battle to prevent the drink doing the talking. But the mobile phone has taken this to a new realm. Here are a few of the most common mobile mistakes committed while under the influence:
The bum call
So named because it usually happens when the male perpetrator leaves his phone in his back trouser pocket without the lock on. Movement activates the redial button - sometimes over and over. Women's cluttered handbags can have the same result. This kind of call is annoying - and potentially relationship threatening, because the receiver can listen in on the conversations going on at the other end.
The E.T. (or the phone-home check call)
This can be made by either the jealous partner waiting at home ('Where are you? What are you doing now? Who are you with?') or the one on a night out ('Oh, sorry, were you asleep? I just wanted to tell you something/say I love you/tell you I'm on my way to ...'). Again, it's extremely annoying for the person on the receiving end.
These usually come in twos or even threes because the perpetrator is never sure they've dialled the wrong number until they've tried it more than once. You can tell how drunk they are by how long it takes it to sink in that you're not 'sweetheart' or 'mother'.
'Did I say that?'
Drink not only acts like a laxative on the tongue but can lead to memory loss, leaving the perpetrator questioning the call the day after with the words, 'Did I really ask you to marry me/tell you I met someone else?'. Again, it's potentially relationship threatening.
On my way home
This is a mixture of the 'check call' and the 'Did I say that?'. It occurs when the perpetrator rings home to say they're heading for the MTR/taxi rank and will be home soon, but then gets sidetracked into another bar - and then another. This can be extremely disconcerting for novices, but most wise partners learn to simply ignore it.