THE FIRST TIME was difficult. I put it off, avoided the issue, dreaded the day, felt physically sick when it arrived, got weepy when the crunch moment came, and then spent the next 24 hours worrying if I'd done the wrong thing. The second time was easier. The third time easier still. I didn't worry so much, although the hours leading up to it and the actual crunch moment were still difficult.
However much you love your children, leaving them behind and getting away for a weekend of quality time with your partner is something all parents yearn for. But with it comes a whole barrage of mixed emotions, guilt and questions. Will it harm the children? What if something happens when we're not there? And are we just being selfish?
According to Sharon Glick, a relationship counsellor with St John's Cathedral Counselling Service in Hong Kong, every marriage needs a regular tune-up, and getting away together as a couple is one of the best ways to do it.
'Relationships are like cars,' she says. 'You can have a new Mercedes, but unless you put oil and water in it, it will stop running. It needs to be tuned up and attended to every now and again. If a marriage isn't cared for it will stop working.'
Glick describes the arrival of children as the second great transitional stage in a marriage - the first being adjusting to becoming a couple and the third when the children fly the nest.
'When children come into the picture it really takes that relationship you formed as a couple and stands it on its head,' she says. 'All your energies are focused on the children. Both of you feel neither nurtured nor cared for. You lose your sense of being a couple, and sometimes your sense of being sexual.