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WAYAN SAHDAN, 43, studied Islamic subjects in Java for 10 years before returning to his native Bali in 1988. He was teaching at an Islamic school in Denpasar during September 11, and joined another in Bali the year after. He says the New York attacks had little impact on him - but the two Bali bombings shook his world.

The night of September 11, I was at home. My wife was watching the news, she called me over and said: 'Look at that.'

The first thing I thought was how brave these men [the hijackers] were. It takes courage to attack the US. Then I saw the people jumping from the high buildings and I felt sorry for them too.

Islam says that you cannot kill innocent people, and too many innocent [people] were killed. I disagree with that, but I can understand why the attackers did it. The US uses double standards.

Soon after, I was given a leaflet saying that all the Jews had left the building before the impact. I thought it could be one of their plots. Yes, it is possible that the Jews did this to blame the Muslims.

I talked with my family and friends about it a bit, but I did not discuss it with the students; it would have taken time out of the school curriculum.

9/11 did not change much for me - it was just more news. But I never thought it could happen in Bali.

When the first Bali bombing happened [in 2002], I was at home, in my pyjamas and almost asleep.

I heard a big explosion. The windows shook.

I went outside. I had a bad feeling. I remember that the dogs had stopped barking. I thought that was strange and ominous. I saw the sky coloured by the flames.

That changed my life.

I was afraid. Here, Muslims are the minority and I feared that the Hindus could take revenge. I have four children; I thought of them. One of the victims was the father of one of my students. I knew him. I felt sorry for him and for his family. I had a lot of sorrow.

People blamed us. People would come up to me and say: 'You Muslim, you did it.' It hurt.

I did not do it, and I did not agree with it. I don't think the bombers were brave; I think those who did it were misguided and hit the wrong target.

The economy suffered a lot. People blamed us for that too.

Students asked me, 'Why did Muslims bomb Bali? Why is Islam so cruel?' I had to explain that Islam is not cruel, but that unfortunately we get the blame.

I think it could be a conspiracy.

I told them to keep calm, even if the Balinese Hindus got angry. I have very good relations with the high-caste Hindus there.

When the second Bali bombing happened [last year], I was with a friend, and he received a SMS from Jakarta saying: 'Is it true that there was a bomb in Bali?' My world crumbled.

I got really angry. I thought that it was easy for the terrorists, but difficult for the local Muslims. We are the real victims. We have to take the abuse and explain to others that it is not about Islam.

I still think there is an international conspiracy to discredit and destroy Islam. The masterminds use Muslims who know little about Islam and brainwash them. I wish I knew who the masterminds are.



9.11 voices