HAIRSTYLIST BEVERLEY Cappleman will never forget the Christmas of 1989. 'I was dating this really cool guy, and he wasn't going to be around, so he made a big deal about the present he'd bought me,' she says. 'He arrived at the salon, box in arms; it was a huge parcel, beautifully wrapped. Although the anticipation was killing me, and the rest of the staff tried to get me to open it then and there, my instincts said no. Instead, I took it home and put it under the tree.
'Christmas morning arrived and because I was nervous, I left it until the very last to open, with all my family eagerly watching on. To my horror, inside the box was a Pink Panther lamp; the panther was leaning against a lamppost, his tail curled around it. You had to pull the tail to turn the lamp on and off.
'I felt I had to end the relationship, I couldn't go forward after that. When he asked if I liked it, I said it was fabulous, but I ended it soon after. Every Christmas, I laugh about that Pink Panther lamp.'
If Cappleman's story is anything to go by, gift giving is fraught with pitfalls and hidden dangers. It's all about messages, and how much the recipient reads into that gift,' says St John's relationship counsellor, Sharon Glick. 'It's not the present, but rather what the present implies. People often feel that presents are a reflection of how much thought has been put into the relationship. So, if a man gives a woman a frying pan, it's depressing, because it shows he values her less as a goddess and more as a domestic drudge!'
But Glick says that there are valid reasons behind gifts that appear to be thoughtless or insulting.
Simone Chua laughingly recounts the first Christmas she spent with her husband's parents. 'As we sat to open our presents, I felt a flush of dismay when I realised my mother-in-law had bought me a flowered ironing board and pack of three dusters,' the nurse says. 'My first thought was that she was telling me I needed to become a better housekeeper, a better wife.