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Hollywood West

So the triumvirate of Hollywood bubbleheads - Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears - seem to have achieved the impossible: they've gone from bad enough to worse than ever.

Hilton is in the midst of yet another media frenzy over her release from jail for an undisclosed medical condition, Lohan is in rehab (again). Spears is struggling with bad press after her 'comeback' concerts turned out to be nothing more than her lip-synching on stage for 15 minutes. And to add to the amusing series of dramas, Nicole Richie, a bubblehead apprentice, was last week accused of making light of anorexia by sending out a joke e-mail inviting friends to a party and telling them they wouldn't be let in if they weighed more than 45kg. The invite also exhorted them to 'take shots, pass out and wake up with our pants ripped open at the seams'. It would be funny if it weren't so true.

Of course, the talk is of the 'can they make it back from the brink?' variety. Publicists and image consultants are being trotted out ad nauseam to comment on whether Hilton and her pals can survive the damage they've done to their reputations with their drink-driving escapades. For now, the spotlight is on Lohan, who a couple of weeks ago crashed her Mercedes-Benz during a pre-dawn drive home after a night of clubbing (don't these girls know how to call a cab?), had a tad too much alcohol in her bloodstream, and allegedly had a packet of cocaine to hand. Less than two days later, she was photographed passed out in her SUV - thankfully not behind the wheel this time - looking like a derelict teen runaway instead of the multimillionaire actress she is.

The saddest thing about all this is that Lohan does indeed have 'it' - that star quality, that X-factor Simon Cowell on American Idol is always blathering on about in relation to other wannabes. About a week before Lohan's reputation crashed and burned, I saw her at a Chanel fashion show. I sat two seats away from her (I realised I was in the wrong section when I saw Amber Valletta's name on the cushion on which I had parked my rear) and, truth be told, I was quite captivated by her. She was poised, pretty and polite. Her eyes were clear. She chatted amiably about Chanel and barely touched the champagne in front of her. At 20, she looked full of promise. And instead of lingering at the after-party, she left as soon as the fashion show part of the event was over. (Presumably to get something to eat - the 'dinner' that was offered was nothing more than a solitary shrimp and some pickled vegetables and, for dessert, five raspberries soaked in orange syrup.)

All of which just goes to prove that in this industry, nothing is ever as it appears. On the face of it, Lohan has everything: looks, talent, money. But the truth of the matter is, she seems to have not quite lived up to the potential everyone saw in her after her star turn in Freaky Friday some years ago. Instead, her latest - like the colossal mistake Herbie: Fully Loaded, and the recent Georgia Rule - have done precisely nothing at the box office, and nothing for Lohan's career.

So instead of all the hand-wringing over her future and what might happen in the wake of yet another brush with the law, Hollywood insiders need to be asking themselves this: if Lohan's movies are getting neither good critical buzz nor raking in any dosh, and on top of that she can't be trusted to drive herself home in one piece, then what exactly does the girl bring to the table?

I say enough with the second, third and fourth chances for Lohan, Hilton and their ilk. They are, after all, role models for tweens the world over, girls who for some utterly incomprehensible reason want to grow up to be them. And if the best example they can set is to have a few too many margaritas and get behind the wheel of a car - again, and again, and again - I say it's time to take them off the stage. The fact of the matter is there are millions of girls waiting in line to be the next big thing, who no doubt have what it takes, but who aren't getting their shot yet. It's time to bring them to the fore, give them a chance, see what they can do.

Otherwise, the only reason Lohan, Hilton et al will continue being famous is because they still look good when they're drunk, in jail, or fresh out of rehab.

And that's a pretty sorry reason, even in Hollywood.

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