Hollywood East
After weeks, months and years of anticipation, the Beijing Olympics are finally upon us. No more countdowns in the MTR, no more daily torch relay updates, no minute-long TV specials like the Beijing Dream, highlights of athletes past and present, or documentaries on the architectural wonder of the Ice Cube and the Bird's Nest.
Instead, the next 16 days will just be endless Olympic contests where China is favoured to win medals. It matters not that some events are incredibly marginal. Are we all excited about men's skeet shooting or women's quadruple sculls without coxswain rowing? If there's a Chinese in the hunt, however, we're glued to the tube cheering and critiquing like we're experts.
'C'mon, get your legs up and clear that hurdle! ... he should be drafting and saving his energy in the peloton! ... her form is way off to clear that height!' We're all backseat coaches. But on many other levels, this should be an Olympics like no other.
The unpredictable factor is China. It's totally aspirational to want to host the Academy Awards of sports. It's all about bragging and showing off your social status. This is keeping up with the Joneses so your UN neighbours know you can afford nice things such as the Mercedes and Armani equivalent of sports facilities.
But having new money to throw a big five-ring party doesn't guarantee you'll be accepted into the exclusive country club, especially if you don't act, dress and behave in a manner that members expect.
A flourishing economy can buy you a lot of things but social etiquette and sophisticated citizens aren't as easy to come by. That's one of the big struggles for China. Anyone can have a fancy facade, but to convey class, grace and accepted etiquette, that's harder.
Western writers have been amused by China's attempts at this new kind of re-education, such as Beijingers practising how to queue, campaigns to ban spitting, and (my favourite) the Office of Capital Spiritual Civilisation Construction Commission distributing a pamphlet on proper public conduct. It includes style guides like never wear more than three colours at a time, no white socks with black shoes and don't wear pyjamas when visiting neighbours. Personally, I've been guilty of two of the three.