the less said ...

PUBLISHED : Sunday, 29 March, 2009, 12:00am
UPDATED : Sunday, 29 March, 2009, 12:00am

One-sleeve pieces - obviously the designers couldn't afford two.

Overalls - only if you want to look like a dowdy plumber.

Crotch-high boots - only for Pretty Woman wannabes.

Blatant branding - a 1980s trend we'd rather not resurrect.

The scary hair on the catwalks - bouffant dos at Louis Vuitton, painfully tight leather wraps at YSL and the faux Cousin It hair on shoes at Givenchy (left) and coats at 3.1 Phillip Lim.

The crazy heels - hour-glass cones with pearls at LV, platform wedges that looked like orthopaedic shoes in Milan (we won't mention names) - eventually the models will have to be carried down the catwalks.

Sugary pink knits at Chanel - Harajuku girls gone bad.

Butt moulds at Hussein Chalayan (left) - bringing sexy back. Not.

Red eyes - no the models don't have flu, it's just a designer obsession.

1980s pincushion mini crinolines at Dolce & Gabbana - do we really want to go there again?

Prada waders (right) - how fetching, how kinky.

Torture paraphernalia - stiff A-line skirts with spikes, iron maiden coats at Giles. All too painful for words.