No one really needs to spend time lining up to buy any financial products these days but the process can take more than an hour.

If a senior citizen wants to buy a banking product, he is required to bring along his/her offspring so they knew what they are buying.

In another change, half of the selling process is taped in front of two bank officers, one of whom is a branch manager.

As our contact recalled, the whole process took an hour, including a 15-minute product introduction, 15 minutes to go through the product checklist (this part was taped), another 15 minutes of listening to a recorded message (essentially a bank disclaimer) before yet another 15 minutes to sign the paperwork.

He reckoned that the whole process probably took longer than his wedding, although he was only making an investment of HK$50,000.

Well, it may take longer, but we think buying a bank product still probably has a better chance of return than marriage. You get 50 per cent if you divorce, whereas if you bought a Lehman Brothers minibond, you get at least 60 per cent back from Bank of China (Hong Kong).

Good fung shui for RCG

The late Nina Wang Kung Yu-sum's fung shui master Tony Chan Chun-chuen is good at offering, and making, good fung shui tips.

Presumably going well with Mr Chan's expected debut in the High Court, his technology company, RCG Holdings, yesterday voluntarily announced some good news.

In a trading update, RCG said it had received its first contract from a company in which it took a minority stake. It also won unspecified contracts for providing some solutions for China Construction Bank Corp and Bank of China.

Overall, the firm wanted to let its shareholders know the business was healthy and in line with management's expectations.

Unfortunately, Mr Chan's appearance was delayed by a day, thanks to the court's admission of another witness. Still, shares of RCG shot up 6.75 per cent yesterday, closing at HK$9.65.

Chen's longest flight

What is the longest flight you ever took?

For Cathay Pacific Airways vice-chairman Philip Chen Nan-lok (below), it was his trip from New York to Washington some years ago.

In his newly released travel book on the United States, Mr Chen recalled he had rushed to catch a small commuter plane to Washington. After he was seated, he was asked specifically not to stand up or leave his seat for security reasons during the one-hour flight.

But Mr Chen did want to leave his seat.

His neighbour explained that US flights did not allow passengers to leave their seats within the first and last half-hour - and that meant he could not leave his seat for the entire flight time.

He also asked the flight attendant, who was kind enough to offer him a drink but refused his request, saying: 'Are you sure you want to stand up? We have armed security on this flight, but I don't know where he sits.'

Obviously, the airline veteran was so rushed that he missed something most of us would do before taking a plane. That's right - he forgot to hit the restroom.

Hedge funds gibberish

Money is scarce these days. Hedge fund managers, many of whom lost buckets last year, are having trouble getting their hands on new clients' cash. Some are trying to appear cleverer than the rest by inventing bizarre new jargon to describe what they do.

Lai See is delighted. In the 1990s, financial services bosses prattled rubbish including 'thinking outside the box', 'imagineering' and that horror of horrors, 'gaining traction'. But these terms are old hat now. A new crop of nonsense words for management to amuse underlings during meetings was long overdue.

Asian Investor, as part of an article on various dull goings-on in hedgeworld, mentions in passing some new trading strategies hedge funds are claiming to use these days.

The article mentions 'long-only benchmark agnostic' funds, without explaining what this is. Presumably because no one can. It then goes to mention another type of fund, the 'long-only benchmark relative'.

Lai See can only presume these fund managers compared their relatives with other people's and discovered their own families were less inclined to attend church.

As for what these hedge fund managers are doing with other people's money, Lai See remains in the dark.