As you can see, I've reordered some parts of Outside the Box as well as added some new material.
The aim was to give Joe a specific reason to change his behaviour, and show more clearly what had stopped him from changing up until now. In doing this, I've tried to build on what was already in the story.
In the original, we only discover Joe's attitude to his own appearance, and his view of the other prisoners, after he's decided to change. I included this information earlier in my version to show Joe hadn't yet taken full responsibility for his crime.
Along with his sadness, he feels a great deal of anger that his freedom has been taken away from him. Combined with his pride, it's this anger which prevents him from making the changes that will help him get out of prison.
Cleo had clearly shown it was Joe's feelings for his daughter that caused him to change. But in my version, he hears how her fear and unhappiness on her first day at school made her long for her father. Now it's a specific event, not his memories in general, that causes his transformation.
Don't worry if you think the story has lost more than it's gained in this version.