That'll teach them
Let's torture the Nigerian nutcase who tried to blow up a Detroit-bound plane. That'll teach him. That'll make him finger the masterminds who ordered the Christmas Day attack. Barack Obama's political opponents are taunting the US president for being soft on terror. They're calling him a wimp for giving the Nigerian his day in court instead of sending him to a torture chamber. Among the right-wing Republicans demanding that he be stripped of his constitutional rights are former vice-president Dick Cheney, failed presidential candidate Pat Buchanan and former homeland security chief Tom Ridge. Sure, let's start pulling out his toenails, his teeth and pouring water on his blindfolded face to simulate drowning. Then let's lock him up for life without a trial. Quite a few other countries do that sort of thing, so why not the US? There is of course the small matter of the US lecturing others against such behaviour in its annual human rights and torture reports. But who says you have to practise what you preach?
Freedom is the first casualty of fear
First they crashed planes into skyscrapers. We responded by invading countries and stigmatising all those who shared their religion. Then they tried to blow up a plane with explosives hidden in a shoe. We responded by making air travellers remove their shoes for X-ray. Then they tried to board planes with liquid explosives. We responded by banning passengers from bringing liquids on board planes. Then they tried to blow up a plane with explosives hidden inside trouser legs. We responded by making passengers sit tight with their hands on their laps for the last hour of flight on planes entering the US. We have now further responded by singling out 14 countries whose nationals will all be pulled aside as suspects for full body searches before being allowed on US-bound planes. Security officials around the world can now profile hundreds of millions of US-bound passengers by separating them from others based on the colour of their skin and national origin. Who did you say is winning the war against terror?
Angry? Take a deep breath. Or maybe not
Public Eye went away for the holiday season to the Pacific Northwest corner of the US, where the clean, fresh air filled our lungs. Within one day of our return, we developed a sore throat from breathing the filth that passes for air here. We suggest you all try it too - spend a few weeks somewhere with nice, clean air, then spend half a day in Central. When you start choking, think of our bureaucrats. Remind yourselves that they're among the world's highest-paid. Look for them in their chauffeured cars. You'll see plenty in Central. Their licence plates start with the letters 'AM'. Their windows are never opened. That way they don't have to breathe the bus fumes that you have to. Then ask yourself why, after a decade of promises, these highly paid incompetents have done virtually nothing to clean up our air. It'll make your blood boil. We guarantee it.