I ice my knees down more often than I brush my teeth. My back behaves like physical torture is its eminent domain. My hairdresser has been on unemployment insurance seemingly forever and the crusty curmudgeon I have been sneering at for years now shows up in my mirror on a daily basis. Despite all that, what really makes me feel incurably old is my job.
'You write for a newspaper man, they have to kill trees for people to read you.' It's a familiar refrain uttered incessantly from adolescents in the techno-vanguard. I've heard it before, in fact I heard it just last week at the UBS Hong Kong Open. I was having a cooling libation with an older gent who has been around golf longer than the Old Course at St Andrews. He wanted to follow up on something I wrote and was laughing at the surprise on my face. 'What's the matter?' he asked. 'I'm old school, of course I read newspapers.'
Of course, my heart sunk for a moment at the thought that newspapers are old school. But they are and by extension so am I. 'Look,' he continued, 'there's no shame in being old school. If the only thing kids today remember about our generation is that we invented Viagra, it can't be a bad thing, right?'
No, sounds like a hard truth to me, I replied, and the whole exchange elicited a giggle from a younger media guy who is strictly an online contributor, hence his tree-killing line to me. 'Trees eventually grow back,' I said. 'But the cow they killed to make your belt and shoes is gone forever, so let's not be so harsh on us ink-stained wretches and our carbon footprint.'
Well, how about you? You all up to snuff on Facebook and Twitter? You feel the need to let the world know every time you go to the bathroom? Me, I'm OK being in the dark on some things. But others feel compelled to share. Northern Irish golfers Graeme McDowell and Rory McIlroy are both avid tweeters and told me it brings them closer to fans and humanises them a bit more. Both seem like stellar young men so I tend to believe they are sincere.
And while this might sound absolutely feudal to some of you, I had yet to indulge in the new media on Twitter so I visited both of their sites and was impressed. I was also impressed to find out the world of sports and those who play the games are a rich resource in Twitterville. Last week's Hong Kong Open champ Ian Poulter has more than one million followers, while Boston Celtics centre Shaquille O'Neal has well over three million subscribers. I mean, are there really three million people out there who desperately need to know that 'Bj Penn just bugarhooked Matt Hughes, dam I love ufc. Wow.'