Connecting with teenagers means putting yourself in their world

When your teenager asks if she can go for an evening out with her friends, how do you respond? Even when parents say they will think about it, the response from the child may be: 'You never say yes to anything!'

Many people think that as they grow older, their job as parents will grow easier. That's not how things seem to parents of teenagers. The transition from being physically involved with a baby to supervising a child and then a teenager is barely noticeable at first. But as the arguments increase, the rift seems more prominent than ever.

Your teenager is living in a world of protest and rebellion. One way to understand and help her would be to revisit your adolescence. Relate to her world, her problems, by talking about your own at that age. Make it as close as possible to what you think she is going through. This shows her you understand.

There will be some laughter and some disappointment in these conversations. Your child may find you old-fashioned or your parents 'too strict'. These conversations allow her to better understand the reasons behind a certain 'no'.

However, being the parent of a teenager means that you have to enforce boundaries. It is tempting and, at times, easier to give in to the whining and pestering. This is counterproductive, as teenagers need to understand and respect self-control and responsibility.

Take the initiative and the time to sit down and discuss the rules and possible consequences. This is a good time for your teenager to learn about responsibility. Social rules and consequences for underage drinking, drugs and so on can be discussed along with the downside of these activities - 'What happens if the police catch you with alcohol on your breath?' As parents, you will want to keep your child safe; it is important they understand this.