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The plight of the condor

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Is there really a difference between Chinese parents and Western parents? It's a topic that most parents in Hong Kong approach with caution, lest they be accused of being prejudiced, narrow-minded or downright racist. We all know the cliches, but how true are they? Does the place of our ancestry, or our ethnicity, really determine what kind of parent we will become? We observe, we compare, we talk, but usually in hushed tones.

Into this quiet conversation, one book lobbed a virtual hand grenade - Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. It seemed all of Hong Kong was abuzz last year as the book raised the questions most of us were afraid to ask about the differences between Eastern and Western approaches to parenting.

Tiger Mother created such a volatile public debate because Chua was so willing to divide parents along racial lines. Moreover, her approach to parenting seemed to confirm the stereotype some people have in their minds about Asian parents in Western societies.

Chua seemed ruthless about setting high academic standards for her children, preferred that they suffer through music lessons they didn't enjoy rather than express themselves with other art forms, and had no interest in encouraging them to do well in sports. Perhaps most controversial of all, she didn't seem to place much value in helping her children to make friends or keep up with popular culture.

A generous view of Tiger Mother would suggest that Chua's real achievement was to dig into her culture's strongest values, especially a commitment to hard work and family, even if those values seem unpopular in the culture where her children are growing up. It's a long-sighted and countercultural move. You've got to respect that.

In a way, it runs against the grain of a lot of expat thinking. Many of us value immersing our children in the culture where we live, allowing them to be localised. Imagine if an expat parent in Hong Kong were to say something like: 'I just think the local culture has it all wrong.' It's increasingly common for expat parents to pride themselves on being culturally eclectic.

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