It's good to talk: how dialogue can nip power struggles in the bud

Sarah and her son Jeremy, 15, often get into power struggles. It used to be so easy, she says. 'If I asked him to do something he did it. If I said no he accepted it.'

For his part, Jeremy says he's sick of his mother's nagging. Sarah feels that if she doesn't keep at him nothing gets done. This is affecting their relationship.

Power struggles with adolescents arise because parents no longer have the ability to fulfil or restrict their needs. Punishments don't hold as much punch and parents trying to exert their authority often see it being ignored.

This leaves parents without the leverage to get their teen to comply with requests, and results in conflict.

Conflict can be beneficial. If handled in the right way, it can bring people closer together. Each person has a chance to express their feelings and needs. Resolving conflicts in a healthy manner is more important than how many conflicts you are having. It will eventually lead to fewer arguments over time.

The problem with the way that conflicts are normally played out is that, when one side experiences defeat, anger ensues. Sarah is having a war of wills. 'I want Jeremy to come home at midnight, but he often wanders in around 3am. He believes I am being over-protective. I know he is safe but there need to be rules so he learns responsibility.