Graham has a long history of depression. He doesn't remember how it started, but says it runs in his family. Depression can be a natural response when something goes wrong, sometimes it strikes for unknown reasons.
He recently came out of a relationship and the break-up made him deeply unhappy. He has been finding it difficult to get out of bed and is sleeping more than usual. He feels lonely and has isolated himself from his friends and family.
Most people will feel down after a break-up. But they are usually able to keep living their lives. They take their portion of responsibility for the break-up and realise that they will be happy again someday.
But when anything happens to Graham, he responds by feeling down about himself. His thinking becomes self-persecutory. As a result of his break-up, he feels he is not good enough and that it was his fault: 'No woman will want me. This always happens and I am going to be alone forever.' Depressed people feel they have little control over their lives and that they are helpless.
There is some research to say that depression is a habit rather than a hereditary disease. That means that the depressed response is a habituated response which develops over time. It may still turn out to be a disease. But if it is a habit, it means we may have more control over it than we think. As with most mental disorders, people have a predisposition towards certain illnesses. Certain environmental factors trigger them into being.
A difficult break-up can leave a person scared of future relationships. They think they cannot handle break-ups. So whenever they enter into a relationship, the fear of it ending is always there. That can lead to them sabotaging it themselves.