When readers write: (sic) thinking inside the inbox

This column receives various e-mail responses, mostly from fans, but some which are just bizarre.

One recently started: "Listen Fenton. I read that piece of crap you wrote in the Post on 24 Dec."(An inoffensive piece about David Tang's new venture,Tang Tang Tang.) He continued: "Rarely have I read a bigger load of s*** in my life. Are you seriously telling us educated, civilised human beings that we need to read the drivel, the unadultered dross, that you spout? I hope that you have the most awful Christmas ever." This was signed Martin Heyes, tour guide, walkhongkong.com.

Depriving Mr Heyes of the oxygen of attention seemed advisable, so I ignored him. He wasn't happy. He wrote again. "What's the matter? Why haven't you answered my e-mail?"

More fun was the recent missive from Knut Wüstenhöferr, headed: (sic) "My fax to Mr Cecil Chao Sze tsung: Concerning my will to merry his attractive daughter Gigi."

He wished to claim the much-publicised HK$500 million offered by property magnate Cecil Chao for a husband for his lesbian daughter Gigi.

"Honoured Mrs Fenton!" he began. "On Thuesday I sent Mr Chao a fax, expressing my will to merry his daughter, and also to introduce myself, so that Mr Chao knows a little bit from me: I am German, to this time still in Switzerland. I am a Scriptor."

He explained he was a writer of political poems, non-fiction and criminal stories.

He had already faxed "Mr Chao-s firm: the Cheuk Nang Holding", but didn't know if it had been received. (sic) He would "fastest like to step in e-mail contact with Mr Chao". (sic)

Could I help?

Since October 2012, he had lost 20kg and wanted to shed a further 25kg, "so that at the end of loosing my weight I arrive at 70kg". (sic) "Please tell Mr Chao this, because for sure he will want a best figured son-in-law!"

I will endeavour to oblige.

For more details on discretionary spending, see Anna's wealth blog at scmp.com/wealthblog