I have just moved house. On November 12, to be precise. Determined to be organised, I called PCCW two weeks ahead to ask them to relocate Now TV, landline, broadband and WiFi from Stubbs Road to Mui Wo on Lantau. Not miles from civilization up a mountain on Lantau, but four minutes brisk trot from the Mui Wo ferry pier. Hardly the boonies.
I called the 1000 hotline and after press 1 for this, 2 for that, 3 for something else, I got a human claiming to be Relocations. I explained my request. Long silence, keyboard tapping noises, then: “Cannot.” What did he mean, cannot? “House not there,” he said. I pointed out that not only was it there, but my downstairs neighbour was a long-standing customer of theirs. Not that you have much choice. “No such place,” he insisted firmly. I gave him the Lot and DD numbers. No joy. “Not in our computer,” he said, as if that was the end of it. If the Post Office, IKEA, Water Supplies, CLP, the Rating and Valuations department and the Shell gas delivery man could find it, I said, it should not be beyond PCCW. The house had only been there for 40 years. But sarcasm was lost on him. He wouldn’t budge.
Twenty minutes had gone by so to break the Mexican standoff, I asked for his supervisor. “Busy” he replied. I am sure this was true; the poor man was probably dealing with all the other exasperated customers.
Several hours later a supervisor rang. He said there was no record of my house, was I sure about the address? I was absolutely sure. He sighed. In that case, they would have to send out the location team to find it. When? He didn’t know. In a few weeks. maybe. They were very busy on Lantau, he explained.
Enter Now TV
I lost the will to live after that and became distracted by a bout with a different faction of PCCW, this time the one you talk to when you want to cancel one (actually long expired but somehow still being charged for) Now TV contract. “Because you never cancelled it,” I was told. So it just continues in perpetuity, even though expired? “Yes, month by month,” I was told. So now you want to cancel your two Now TVs? she asked. "No, I kept repeating, I just want to stop paying for the one which has actually expired. My head was starting to ache.