A reality check for women who want it all
Amy Wu says yet another study of how women are balancing family life with a career shows that the notion of 'having it all' just isn't realistic
A woman cannot have it all - but she can if she marries the right guy. That is according to an ongoing study of 25,000 Harvard Business School alumni which found children don't ruin a woman's career, but the men they marry most certainly can.
A large number of men expected their partners to take primary responsibility for childcare, the survey found. A few years ago, I would have cold-shouldered the study; the argument would have sounded stale. Women today have achieved everything from going into space to leading Fortune 500 companies. Why would her professional success be tied to a man?
Admittedly, I always thought I'd have it all. I had the freedom to pursue my dreams, namely a great career and a great man.
For the first 37 years of my life, I flew solo. I've had the luxury of working consistently, travelling with girlfriends on a whim, and, starting last year, pursuing a PhD, news of which was greeted with congratulations by my colleagues in Hong Kong, who said: "And now you'll definitely be single for the rest of your life." I don't think they were kidding.
At 38, I felt like I did have it all: the freedom to pursue education and, even better, I'd found a guy who was happy to marry me as I was pursuing my intellectual dreams. We could lead our separate lives, me pursuing my doctorate and him doing his job on the other coast. "I have very few expectations," he said at the time. "I'm not looking for a housewife."
But as I inched towards my 39th birthday, something increasingly gnawed at me. There was the rocky reality of a long-distance marriage, and I looked longingly at my compatriots who had well-manicured lawns, cute kids and well-groomed husbands. Some had awesome jobs, too.