How to toughen children up

Six-year-old Markus Tsui knows the consequences when he throws a tantrum, or is rude to others: he will have to sit in a corner, opposite a wall pinned with a list of all his recent infractions.

His mother, financial planner Kay Fung Yin-ha, started the penitent's corner in their Yuen Long home to help Markus understand the importance of taking responsibility for his actions. It's part of a regimen she has adopted since Markus was born, to help him deal with the setbacks he will face later in life.

"I don't want Markus to buckle easily under pressure when he grows up. Although I can't control what he faces in future, I can toughen him up by giving him an upbringing that will boost his resilience," Fung says.

That's not to say Fung is a dictatorial parent. While many cram their children's schedules with tutorials and extra-curricular activities, she gives Markus full rein to pursue his own interests.

"If Markus wants to enrol in classes, he tells me. He now has lessons in singing, drawing, and swimming. I fulfil his wishes; I don't sign him up for any tuition. He should pay attention in class. Because if you can't take charge of your own studies now, what will you be able to do in the future?

"I don't see his homework or check his school handbook," she adds. "If he submits homework late three times, he will get a demerit, and he was penalised for failing to bring certain materials to class. After being dressed down by teachers several times, he now knows that he must check his handbook and put everything in his schoolbag at night."

Fung says overprotective parenting makes children vulnerable when they face mounting pressure from school, work and social life. "Whenever tragedies like student suicides occur, society tends to blame schools for being too demanding. The pressure cooker environment that prizes achievement and success over everything else is blamed.