Dating in the metaverse? You need some ground rules to avoid the virtual replacing your reality
- The latest trend takes dating into the virtual world. Just sign up, put on your VR headset, build your avatar and meet new people
- Body language and cues are more noticeable in VR, although be aware that users’ avatars may not represent them accurately. You can make sure yours does, though
When the Black Mirror episode “San Junipero” aired on Netflix back in 2016, the notion of falling in love within a simulated reality seemed far away – but certainly not impossible.
Six years on, our world has become more virtual than ever, as more people try VR-based dating experiences.
Planet Theta, due to launch later this year, will allow users to take part in a multisensory – albeit virtual – experience with other users.
All you need is a VR headset to access the platform. Whether it’s at the “Enchanted Forest” or “Aaron’s Bar”, the (meta) world is your oyster.
With the fifth wave of Covid-19 infections raging unabated across Hong Kong, the metaverse may be the safest way to meet new people.
“With restrictions on physical activities, it’s not like we will be meeting potential partners at bars and parties. Meta-dating gives people an opportunity to interact in a way that’s more engaging than text or video chat,” says Sonia Samtani, a clinical hypnotherapist, life coach, and relationship and wellness coach.
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We have been used to two-dimensional dating apps, which comprise media (photos and videos) and messaging via text or video, but the metaverse is the third dimension. Users are represented by customisable digital avatars that populate VR worlds which resemble our own.
The advanced VR technology can detect the smallest movements, such as your body turning slightly towards or away from someone.
While this may seem insignificant, Samtani reminds us that a great deal of human communication – conscious or unconscious – is transmitted by non-verbal means.
“The VR experience gives us the opportunity to receive non-verbal messages from our dates through this multisensory experience where we can see their body language and expressions, and even ‘feel’ their touch with a virtual glove.”
Of course, there is an obvious downside to meeting in the metaverse.
Although users will be using their real voices with their avatars, their virtual selves are customisable. In other words, these avatars do not need to resemble their human counterparts.
Samtani says it is easy to get caught up in the virtual world and lose all sense of physical reality. And there is a greater chance for people to misrepresent themselves. After all, if people are susceptible to catfishing through dating apps, how much deeper will that deceit go in the virtual world?
There is also the dark side of technology to consider – it is a double-edged sword that can simultaneously connect people and leave them feeling more isolated. Samtani warns of the dangers of technological burnout and how it can exacerbate pre-existing behaviours.
“We are already spending most waking hours using technology. There is a risk of getting so caught up in VR that you lose sense of physical reality and become less grounded.”
“If you have the tendency to isolate or hide from reality, what you really need is to have the courage to face what you are running from and instil the self-esteem and hope that’s missing. VR may just perpetuate these issues rather than resolve them, ” Samtani points out.
And at the end of the day, all things should be done in moderation and by exercising our best judgment.
Given that dine-in services in Hong Kong are currently subject to strict curfews and typical date venues such as bars and nightclubs are shut, meeting someone in the metaverse for date night may be your only option at this point.
If you’re after a relationship in the physical world, remind yourself why you are there … have conversations about physical reality and feelings, and not just the virtual one
Samtani suggests a “hybrid” way of dating that combines VR interactions and face-to-face interactions via video calls. She adds that you should enforce this style of dating from the get-go, otherwise it may be hard to change it once you are able to meet your date in real life.
“You should have a reference point with the other person in physical reality too, otherwise the relationship can lack grounding. I would suggest video calls with no filters, or even something outrageous like writing a letter using old-fashioned pen and paper!”
Another great tip is to create an avatar that actually resembles you. Wolf3D is an application that generates full-body, 3D avatars based on photos of you, and it is compatible with Planet Theta.
Samtani offers some final, simple words of wisdom for “keeping it real” in your virtual universe.
Before your VR date, look in the mirror, connect to yourself by having a good look at your physical body and acknowledge simple truths by mentally saying your name, your age, your profession and your intention to yourself, she suggests.
“If you’re after a relationship in the physical world, remind yourself why you are there. Make sure to have conversations about physical reality and feelings, and not just the virtual one. So, when you’re ready to take it to the next level, it won’t be too scary to meet face-to-face,” she says.
Luisa Tam is a Post correspondent who also hosts video tutorials on Cantonese language that are now part of Cathay Pacific’s in-flight entertainment programme.
