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HK Magazine Archive

Hong Kong Morality Tales

PUBLISHED : Thursday, 11 June, 2015, 11:50am
UPDATED : Wednesday, 19 October, 2016, 4:43pm

We’re in a lyrical mood this week, so we present some morality tales for uniquely Hong Kong situations.

There was a lonely mainland youth
(Abandoned by his folks, in truth)
Who came to Hong Kong with his granny
Was hid in every nook and cranny
Until a politician got her way
and brought him to the light one day.
And then, it seems, the whole damn nation
Piled on with their vituperation:
“Go back to Shenzhen whence you came!
You mainland scum, you are to blame!”
And so, with consciences intact
They went back to their tiny flats.
The Moral: A child abandoned to perdition
Is nothing more than ammunition.

A Canadian with some Hong Kong ties
Scaled Kinabalu close to sunrise
At the top he dropped his gear
To show the world his unclad rear!
Authorities, they took exception
To this Facebooked indiscretion.
They said: “The spirits of the land are shocked!”
And blamed an earthquake on his cock.
The Moral: If you are seismically blessed
Then make the earth move... but in bed.

The Chinese FA’s promo fliers
For the World Cup qualifiers
While well intended, on the whole
May have shot just wide of the goal.
They say the team, it has no equal
With “Black skin, yellow skin and white skin people.”
Diversity’s an equalizer:
But wording choices should be wiser.
Some comfort floats right through the ether:
At least it isn’t bloody FIFA.
The Moral: In most things, on a general basis
Just ask a friend: “Wait, is this racist?”

The use of English is declining
In governmental texts, we’re finding
Officially, we’re all bilingual
But often there’s a language single.
You may fear that politicians
Are gaining tongue-tied inhibitions
Just to prove to Beijing masters
That British rule’s put out to pasture.
But here is what you have forgot:
Politicians, they are polyglots!
They speak fluently in every nation:
Their native tongue is obfuscation.
The Moral: A little Hong Kong English primer
To assist language decliners.
Learn two short words and you’ll go far:
All you need is “OK, laaaaa...”