On the Campaign Trail with Joshua Wong
The Scholarism founder and Occupy Central leader has applied for a judicial review, seeking to lower the age limit to run in Legco elections from 21 to 18. What if he’s successful? All aboard the Wong 2016 campaign bus...
April 2016 Election campaigns begin spinning up, but secondary school students complain that now Joshua Wong is 19 and running for public office, he’s out of touch with their issues and has only a surface level understanding of the difference between K-pop superstars Wonder Girls and Girls Generation. What a typical out-of-touch politician.
May 2016 A farcical mix up at the ribbon factory leaves the Wong campaign with 500,000 blue ribbons instead of the yellow ones ordered. Ingeniously, Wong uses the ribbons to create a giant portrait of his own face, earning the acclaim of intellectuals, cultural critics and a slightly threatened Ai Weiwei.
June 2016 Joshua Wong commits a gaffe in a TV debate. Instead of referring to CY Leung as “Mister Chief Executive,” he calls him “Pok gai running dog Beijing apparatchik.” Wong later releases a statement regretting that he “misspoke.”
July 2016 Video evidence of Wong’s single night of torrid passion with Regina Ip spreads over social media when Carrie Lam leaks the footage online in an attempt to discredit both candidates. The move backfires when netizens take note of the couple’s stamina, technique and evident dedication to the tantric arts.
August 2016 Joshua Wong meets secretly with representatives of the Beijing government, who strongly object to his candidacy. They pledge to block his election, whatever it takes. Wong is forced to make a deal with the devil and agrees to embark on a trip to China once every six months so the authorities can publicly detain him each time as a twice-yearly show of strength.
September 2016 Election day, and Joshua Wong is voted into office. Also taking up their seats in Legco: 30 people in functional constituencies who were totally unelected, but like, whatever.
October 2016 Joshua Wong’s first act as a Legislative Council member is to force through a judicial review raising the minimum age of electoral candidates to 50. Long Hair throws a banana, and everyone goes back to business as usual.