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HK Magazine Archive

Hongxit!

Localists seem to be passing a new flyer around the streets of Mong Kok.

PUBLISHED : Thursday, 30 June, 2016, 11:03am
UPDATED : Wednesday, 19 October, 2016, 5:15pm

The UK’s recent vote to “Brexit” from the European Union is stirring the city’s localists into a passionate fervor. We got an early look at a flyer they’ve been passing around the streets of Mong Kok.

Hongkongers, Arise!

A new, shining utopia is upon us. The UK’s referendum on the European Union has resulted in a “leave” vote. The people of that tiny nation stood up and said: “we want out!” 

We take inspiration from their noble example! We want to be free to make exactly the same sort of ridiculous, uninformed decisions our former colonial master just made!  

The establishment will tell you that we don’t send tens of millions to help Beijing manage the upkeep of the state. 

The establishment will tell you that we don’t have an infrastructure that could cope with being independent. 

The establishment will tell you that our immigration problems are more to do with how efficiently we can screw domestic helpers out of a paycheck than anything else.

But we believe that the people can rally around our one, unifying foible: our dislike of mainlanders! 

In an independent Hong Kong, all things are possible and your dreams automatically become reality. Your every personal problem will be solved, overnight!  

Bad relationship? Hongxit! Credit card bills? Hongxit! Excessive mildew on your walls? Hongxit!

To usher in this brave new era, we’re proposing a points-based system for immigration into Hong Kong. Anyone wishing to live in the city will need: 

  • A talent in an area in which Hong Kong is lacking, such as singing Mandopop or making delicious xiaolongbao.
  • A passing grade in a Cantonese aptitude test.
  • To own fewer than 2 LV suitcases.
  • Alternatively, they can just be westerners.

Should we fail in this endeavor, we propose that on July 1, SAR Establishment Day, Hong Kong island is severed from the bedrock and motored out into the Indian Ocean. There we can hang out with the Maldives until they, and our hopes, sink beneath the waves.

Take back control! Hongxit!