IOC Awards Team Hong Kong All the Golds
Worried about the feelings of the Hong Kong people, the International Olympic Committee this week announced that it would be awarding to the city every one of the gold medals up for grabs at the Rio Olympics—even for events in which Hong Kong is not participating.
The remaining Games will continue as usual, but with only the silver and bronze medals in contention.
Commenting on the decision, IOC spokesman Poitre Toeflkopter said, “We thought about running the Games as we usually would, with medals awarded according to sporting achievement. But after several incidents involving hurt feelings, from now on the committee will award gold medals preemtively, according to a nation’s emotional well-being.” Toeflkopter went on to say, “Hong Kong was identified as being at risk, so we took action.”
Elsewhere in Olympics-related news, there was an international outcry after it was realized that the Hong Kong SAR flag used by the organizers featured an incorrect design (pictured above). Rather than the officially recognized white Bauhinia flower on a red ground, the flag sported by Team Hong Kong during the opening ceremony appeared to show Flabébé, a minor Pokemon character, floating on a background of grass.
On investigation, IOC officials confirmed that the flag had been manufactured by an official Team Hong Kong contractor based in Fo Tan. Appealing for calm, team public relations head Elvis Chu said, “I’ll be the first to admit it, this is freaking embarrassing. It’s even worse than that time we sent rowers to compete in Calgary back in ‘88. Have you ever tried rowing on solid ice? Forget about it.”