The hottest look this season is not any specific fashion or handbag - it's wobbling around with a big baby bump.
From Kate the classy royal to Kim the crass publicity hound, being knocked up is the new knockout look. Consider the number of celebrity spawnings: Kate Winslet is preggers again. Fergie has herself a lovely lady bump. Penelope Cruz is repeating as Javier Bardem's baby momma. Halle Berry is defying age and her biological clock at 46.
A few years ago, the Hollywood thing was to adopt a Third World orphan, a la Angelina Jolie and Madonna. It was the quick way to satisfy maternal instincts and get some humanitarian bonus points. Also, not having to carry your own fetus for nine months does wonders for your figure.
However, sometimes it's not about looks. Getting pregnant is now a status symbol with intangible prestige and advantages. For one thing, it unequivocally states that you are no longer among the desperate single ladies.
Anyone can hire a good-looking gay man to pose as a boy toy at events. But in the neo-monogamous world, it's far more impressive to announce that you're serious enough with a real man that he has intentionally shared his DNA. In Beyoncé parlance, it means - more often than not - that not only did he like it, he's put a ring on it.
As the shortage of quality men becomes more of a reality to my female friends, some have opted to become cougars - which to their faces we'll say is brazen and self-empowering, but behind their backs we consider pathetic and sad. You might have power, money and a walk-in closet, but if you can't land an age-appropriate guy, you are just a sex-crazed spinster. But a bun in the oven is the modern woman's ultimate act of bragging.
However, nobody ever said this look is going to be comfortable. Just as five-inch Louboutin heels are murder on your back, carrying an extra 20 pounds in the front is no picnic, either. As for maternity fashion, you can be subtle and restrained like Kate Middleton and be lauded for your delicate elegance. But if you believe in the "if you got it, flaunt it!" philosophy, then by all means be as tacky and gaudy as a Kardashian. Turn your curtains into a skintight body suit and step out to Dragon-i like you own it. If fashion blogs make fun of you, well, they're just being (baby) haters.
One last piece of advice: girls, don't curse yourself with a troubled parenthood by naming your offspring either Paris or Lindsay.